Archive for December, 2009

The Lap Of Horrors!

December 19th, 2009

It’s that time of year. Where you set your child on the lap of some childless drunk… (Holy shit, it’s got us!) Entrusting them with the greatest gift of all, your kid. They them tell lies, & get boners… They’ll ask the kids questions like “What do you want for x-mas?”, or “Have you been […]

Flashing Your Headlights…

December 18th, 2009

Can get you hospitalized… “What the h-e double hockey sticks does that mean?” you ask… A New Zealand teen, who was flashing her fun bags at passing cars for a prank… (“Say, sign me up for a viewing!”) Was hit after distracting a driver… (“I said her knockers were too big!”) Cherelle May Dudfield, who […]

My Dog Can Walk On Two Legs…

December 17th, 2009

What can your goofy assed dog do? Fetch seems pretty douchey by comparison… (“Look ma, no arms!”) Everything in life’s a “pissing contest” isn’t it? One owner says, “My dog does tricks”. This owner can say, “Well my dog has no fucking arms, but can still walk”… Shuts them up pretty damn quick now doesn’t […]

Obama Writes Letter…

December 16th, 2009

To Kim Jong-Il… (Oh, heerrrrroo) Luckily we were able to get a copy. Want to see it? Well here you go… Dear Shorty(hip-hop term, not height term), What’s crackin biznitch? Hey, since it’s the holiday season, could you please not be a total cocksucker and make sure to tell us if you’re continuing nuclear programs […]

Irony Alert!

December 15th, 2009

Palin stars in a new kids book called “Help! Mom! Radicals Are Running My Country!” (Help! Dumbfucks Ruined Our Country) What was the #3 returned website when searching for this book? That’s right, shit you not) It’s Katharine DeBrecht’s 2nd book. Her 1st venture in kids books was called “Help! Mom! There Are Liberals […]

Who Would Endorse…

December 14th, 2009

Tiger now? (Do I have to give the hat back?) I know what you’re thinking, but trust me. When one door shuts, five more open… It’s America baby… He’s a “different brand” right now. Advertisers can still use him as the “bad boy”… Here’s a starter list: -Viagra/any erectile medication -Any hotel chain with the […]

Tiger Picks Up Ball…

December 12th, 2009

And goes home. He’s taking an “indefinite break”… (He had a shitty lie. Zing!) He’s calling it quits. Done. Finito. Ova… Guess he wants to work on his marriage or something… You know, the thing he was supposed to do when he actually GOT married… (That’s why the ladies love him) She should let him […]

Kiss My Grits!

December 11th, 2009

A man comes home from work on Nov. 7. He gets into an argument with his girlfriend. Then tells her that he was breaking up with her. Then he goes to bed… What happens next? You guessed it, she dumps a pot of boiling grits on him… (WTF?!?!) Yeeeeeeesh! 44-year-old Carolyn Brown, was booked with […]

Super Prize Me!

December 10th, 2009

Is it pronounced Oslo or Ozlo in Norway? Either way Obama’ll be there receiving an Oscar, or VMA, or something… (“This Teen Choice Award means a lot!”) Along with a huge plate of pickled herring served by two beach volleyball players… (Hazzah for swim suits!) Who also like to “almost kiss” often during games… (Just…a […]

I Didn’t Forget About You…

December 9th, 2009

It’s just that daddy was stuck in Vegas honey. Which means Vegas broke three important things of daddies: my liver, my bank account, and my sense of shame… (If loosing $ is “Fabulous”, then I agree) Pictures of Sin City to come later this week. I promise no nipple shots. Unless they have nipples in […]

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