Archive for November, 2009

Tiger Woods…

November 30th, 2009

And his wife Elin have a new line of SUV’s that come standard with both rear windows shattered called “A Hole In One”. Classier than a diamond tuning fork… (Privacy PLEASE!) Tiger “the most recognizable athlete on earth” Woods would like you to understand “this is a private matter” he made in a “public statement”. […]

Tiger Woods In Car Crash…

November 28th, 2009

But he’s OK. Whew… (You’d make a good a airbag) According to the cops, Woods had just left his Florida mansion when he lost control of his 2009 Cadillac and hit a fire hydrant, then a tree on his neighbor’s property. The report said alcohol was not a factor. His wife used a golf club […]

What “Not To Do”…

November 27th, 2009

At the thanksgiving dinner table… (Best family ever) 1) Lick the rim of every dish or glass, cough, then say, “Sorry, H1N1″… 2) Point to the oldest person & say, “How long you got left? Minutes? Hours?” 3) Wear sweatpants with the ass cheeks cut out while eating 4) Tap your glass, clear your throat, […]

Isn’t coming anytime soon for this guy… (File photo) A man was arrested after he left his 5-year-old son in a tractor-trailer while he ducked into an Indianapolis strip club to drink. He should have brought the kid in… To see the floor show. Strippers love kids. Especially when they’re not theirs… (Wait, no. This […]

Super Size Me…

November 24th, 2009

When you whip out your wenis before sex, hopfully the reaction is “Wow, impressive. We can even skip rope with it”. When you pull out a bill in congress, size matters… (Our solution is “mock” the other guys idea) Unless you’re the minority party, and want to kill a bill. Then size is “bad”… The […]

Dead People Can Win AMA’s?

November 23rd, 2009

Where the hell is Morrison’s, Hendrick’s, & Elvis’s then? (Jermaine finger paints air) Michael Jackson posthumously won 4 AMA’s. Wow, I guess that “Wasn’t It”… Looks like daddy Jackson, and the other “five” need more houses… (Green Day about to AMA stab reporter) Guess the Black Eyed Peas won for Best “Mind Rape” Song with […]

First Dibs…

November 21st, 2009

On the porn title for New Moon being “Nude Moons”… (Giganto head is gonna get cha!) First they have to come out with either “Bi-lite” or “Twinklight” But Twinklight seems a little too. Um, I dunno, “up the butt” for me… Three shows tonight in Chicago, get there! Have a day!

Oprah OWN’S

November 20th, 2009

No, not like you think… (Lego called, they want their hair back) Sure Orca’s leaving day-time tv in 2011 after a 25 year run… Only to move her show to her own network called OWN(Oprah Winfrey Network)… (“Now I want to be even bigger”) Oprah just told god “Ahem, you’re sitting in my chair”… Now […]

Chaz Bono…

November 19th, 2009

Wants to have a new boner… (Ok dickless) The daughter of Sunny Bono and Cher wants to be a “man”… Ok, fine Mr. Garrison. Have your sex change… (“What r u lookin’ at douche salad?”) But if fictitious cartoons have told us anything, it never works out like it should… Who will be the first […]

Johnny Depp Declared…

November 18th, 2009

Hotly weird in that “artisty” sorta way… (“I’m cooler than a refrigerator”) I think women love him for the cool roles he dives into and are thinking of cool ways he can dive into their rolls. Guys like him because woman like him… (What’s up early 90’s?) If woman like something, guys will eventually have […]

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