Archive for January, 2009

I Got This For You…

January 31st, 2009

It was free with any fill-up or purchase of beef jerky… (Insert Cloud 69 joke here) The moment you insert this into any DVD player, sexual innuendo and wacky high jinx instantly ensue. I have a feeling watching this might be like being stabbed in the face with a rusty screwdriver… Oh yeah, and if […]

Guess he just had a gay attack then… (Insert wenis in hands) You might have heard of these. They’re common in religious leaders with 6 figure salaries. I guess they’re like panic attacks, or anxiety attacks, or three hour rendezvous at the Knights Inn having ass sex with a dude… Most people call that gay, […]

Schadenfreude Shots Fired…

January 29th, 2009

You see a man walking on the street in winter… They slip on the ice and fall, and you and your friends laugh… Now they get up, pull a gun, and start shooting at you? Well, it happened… (You laughed at his wives cankels) A man fired six shots in all as the group of […]


January 28th, 2009

He’s an actual hairstyle now… (Baby piss yellow) The walking, talking circus that is Roddy B just keep getting better. He’s the car crash you can’t look away from, has the same PR firm as Drew “Me likey to kill wives” Peterson, and can’t count to 4 without crying… He said, “If you do an […]

Chipmunks Getting High…

January 27th, 2009

The economy is terrible, we’re at war in two theaters, and people are loosing their jobs; but the biggest issue we will face as a nation is Chipmunks getting high… (Know your dealer) Woodland critters don’t have to be drug free, it’s not like Mother Nature does extensive drug testing. It does bother me if […]


January 26th, 2009

So that happened… A high school girls basketball team in Texas lost 100-0. Zero. Nadda. Zip. Donut… Dallas Academy is a school containing only 20 students with learning problems from ADHD, to dyslexia. They have a total of 8 girls on the basketball team. The game took place Jan. 13, on the road, against Covenant […]

I’m Lazy…

January 24th, 2009

Went out last night for my birthday… Sorry awesome party people, but this is all you get today. It is what it is… (Hey, it’s true) While walking around I found out that kids will suddenly burst into a full blown run while giggling without looking around, then ram right into you. Then they’ll look […]

The Curious Case Of Oscars…

January 23rd, 2009

What the f-troop?!?! No Gran Torino? No Bruce Springsteen for song? Only eight nods for The Dark Knight? (Remember Gollum getting snubbed?) This sucks balls! MILK nods made me happy as did Slumdog Millionaire. I do like new stuff, but just because it’s new doesn’t instantly make it great. Then again, I don’t watch movies […]

Cereal Time

January 22nd, 2009

The king of breakfast is still cereal… Say you want to shred your mouth ruining it for the entire day of eating… Welp, nothing does a better job than original Cap’n Crunch… (Beats metal shavings) Why hyphenate Captain? Was it to long? Do fictitious nautical leaders always do it? Maybe less letters means cheaper to […]

Cheney In A Wheelchair…

January 21st, 2009

Sounds like a new Blink 182 song… Now the big question: Separated at birth? (Captain happy) (Black and White version) He left early, but it didn’t come as a shock to anyone. After all, his name is Dick… Toyota Beats General Motors In Steel Cage Match “Two cars enter, one car leaves”… (Fight, fight, fight!) […]

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