It’s simple, it’s honest, it’s perfect… (It’s Captain Stupid!) Doesn’t take anything to make, because everything is already in your house… Other suggestions: Captain Drunk, Captain Jerk, Captain Bad Date, Captain Morgan, Captain Without Tennille, Captain Crunch, Captain Dork, Captain Keg, Captain Fart… Happy Halloweenis! (There’s a crack in my pumpkin) Have a day! A […]

Plays the “K street whore” card… (Men with “ass chins” can’t be trusted) During the show he called Linda Robertson – a lobbyist and former adviser to Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernake -  a “K street whore” and didn’t want to apologize… He did after Anthony Weiner(that’s right, like the penis) called him, “One fry […]

What are you gonna be this year? (Welp, you’re going home alone) A dragon? A cat? A drunk politician trying to bury a body in a shallow grave? If you’re the last one, you live in D.C, and it’s not a costume. Meh, the best part of Halloween is that adults dress up in disguises […]

First you had Bush. Then “W”. Now brace yourself for “P”… (“What u talkin’ bout George Sr?”) George P. Bush, or “P” for short… It’s never a good thing when your nickname is synonymous with urine… He’s Jeb’s kid, but neighbors note he looks an awful lot like the “pool guy”… (That’s not your kid […]

No Big Mac for you! (Deal with it Iceland) Mayor McCheese, of Iceland capital Reykjavik, says a Big Mac retails for 650 krona ($5.29). But a 20% increase is needed to make a decent profit, which now pushes that to 780 krona ($6.36). The Krona’s weak, as is McCheese’s failing marriage… (Get a snowsuit) So […]

I like weird sayings like that… (Or this) Kind of like “I can see what you’re saying”, or “Speak up, I cunt here you”… The last one can only be used on evil ex’es…who aren’t holding a knife or gun… They have Saw VI out now. I was talking with some friends this weekend, and […]

Balloon Boy’s mom confirmed it’s a “hoax”. I’m shocked…shocked I tells ya… (Heene’ll be on Court TV soon) Like when I found out my girlfriend was cheating with her personal trainer after saying they were “just friends”, or when that stranger asked to borrow my car and never came back, or the time when that […]

Ok… You’re on a flight with a pregnant woman. She goes into labor. There’s a doctor on board. They emergency reroute, but the baby’s coming before they can land. (Deliver me, or I will crush you!) BAM! WHHAAAAAA! Baby boy is delivered in the sky… AirAsia said 31-year-old passenger Liew Siaw Hsia went into labour […]

KNOCK THIS @#$% OFF! If you disagree with someone politically, that’s one thing… (We have guns) But when the Secret Service is “strained” with the amount of “death threats”, and when Ronald Kessler recently said that threats against President Obama are up 400% from threats levied against former President George W. Bush, that’s not good… […]

Silvio Berlusconi, thinks he’s Rodney Dangerfield. He called Italy’s Family Minister Rosy Bindi “more beautiful than intelligent”. Only problem, he’s not a comedian… (WTF’s wrong with you?) He’s a prime minister, but not for long. When you see Rosy, you’ll know why… (Excuse me sir) Look politicians, lawyers, doctors, real estate agents, pilots, and cops. […]