Archive for February, 2009

Nerds Unite!

February 28th, 2009

What ruins your sex drive, keeps you indoors, makes you gain weight, massages your eyes, and feeds your nerd-o-meter? (Mother, father, secret lover) Yep, the PS3… It’s like a significant other at this point. I talk to it using gentile phrases like, “You look great in black, it’s slimming”, “No, I love you more”, & […]

Lock Up Your Dogs!

February 27th, 2009

Vick will be allowed to serve the final two months of his sentence under house arrest. When asked if he felt sorry about all the events, the superstar of cell block D said, “Obviously dog fighting got me in the this mess and it’s in my past.” (It’s a clip on tie) He then offered, […]

Bank On It…

February 26th, 2009

What if I told you not every banker is Mr. Potter? You’d call me an idiot and throw scalding hot soup on me… Maybe even give me an Elaine Benes “get out” shove… (No, seriously, get out!) A low key, Miami banker named Leonard Abess Jr. didn’t seek the lime-light or attention. But he’s got […]

Slumdog Bullionaire…

February 25th, 2009

Bobby Jindel is the guy who took a dump on our living room coffee table, kicked our dog, & corn holed gammy at Thanksgiving dinner in front of everyone. When he was done, he decided to uploaded the footage on YouTube… (Yay, more lies!) After President Obama’s speech last night, the GOP sent out Bobby […]

Obama Sushi?

February 24th, 2009

(WTF?) I’m all for celebrating him as president. It’s really a great thing. But he was elected in November, and has been in office for a month. This “buying everything Obama” has got to stop people… Where will it end? Obama rectal thermometers, Obama video games, Obama harmonica’s, Obama condoms(Magnum of course). What about an […]

The Oscar’s Had…

February 23rd, 2009

More singing and dancing than a gay pirate ship… On the gay sea…sailing toward the Cape of Gay Hope… (She looks better in a dress than Nixon) Fun? Yeah. Hard working? No doubt. Funny? Not so much… Where were the jokes? I guess when the economy stinks, we no get-a the jokes… Don’t the Tony […]


February 21st, 2009

“Exciting party guests”, or “silent killers”? I vote exciting party guests! (I hope he sings “We Built This City”) Unless you find out they’re only there to kill people. Then it’s kind of bad. When people RSVP to a party, they’re not counting on being murdered by a stealthy death-dealer near the German potato salad… […]

Oscar Picks!

February 20th, 2009

Oscar weekend is upon us… Now comes all the important questions like who will win best picture? Best actor? What will I wear while sitting on the couch; my sweats, or my American flag rhinestone Liberachi suit? They both look ever so awesome… (He was gay? Nooooooooo…) Here are my picks… I used a super […]

Cocaine Crazy!

February 19th, 2009

Let’s say you wanted to buy $30,000 worth of Bolivian marching powder. But the person you contacted was an undercover cop… (Gets your kids wired & confident) But authorities couldn’t file criminal charges, so they let you go. Now lets say you want to buy $125,000 worth of booger sugar a few weeks later. And […]

A-Roid The A-Hole…

February 18th, 2009

This human lying machine must think people have the IQ of a wooden clog… What a farce… (Hear no evil, see no evil…) He lies like a drunk on a floor, a lawyer to a jury, and Wesley Snipes on tax returns… There were no “follow up questions” because he can’t answer them. He showed […]

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