Archive for July, 2011

We’ve been there, it’s 2am at a party, everyone’s drunkish And the pool in the backyard is close enough from the roof of your bungalow (A “future” super idiot) The chants begin, “Jump, jump, jump”. You do it and somehow make it Luckily without breaking your arm, back, or face. Insanely stupid right? (Post “golden […]

Sure it sucks being out of job today, but things could be worse… (Ugh, “Axe” works my ass) You could be a(n): -Attack dog subject -Faulty Parachute tester -Little League coach -Porcupine Hugger -Replica Globe Continent title maker while getting straight D’s in Geography -In Tank Deadly Shark Petter -Facial bear trap tester -Baby Juggler […]

Fake Democrats!

July 13th, 2011

Well Wisconsin Republicans… (We’re stupid together) Nothing like being embarrassed to run as yourself A bunch of Republicans ran against Democrats in the Wisconsin recalls They all lost Bravo voters, you’re smart to know the difference (I picked “Normal” over “asshole”) Between people trying to put in policy and smelly shit lying assholes But can […]

Dumbass Dujour!

July 12th, 2011

You’ve heard about the horror Of the father trying to catch the ball for his son and died (That’s fucking terrible) Well in yesterday’s Home Run Derby. Some super douche bag While standing on the table near the railing(you read it right) Tried to grab a ball and his brother and friends grabbed him (Dr. […]

Betty Ford Dies At 93

July 11th, 2011

Now which clinic do drug, pill and booze hounds go too? (Drugs are bad) I mean, The Keith Richards Center doesn’t quite have that same ring to it Besides, it’s really hard trying to get off the stuff (Dig it) While the head guy running it is offering to sell it to you Just sayin’… […]

Once they gave her a mirror… (Wait, you’re “sorta lying”?) Zing! Zong! Zwap! Maybe the media will cover the story more? You think? Over-coverage is like being over-stocked, or over-stuffed (Hey goofy turd, you’re to blame too) Way too much. Besides, the sick evil turd would be in jail If the prosecution decided to put […]

HEY, asshole, wake up, I’m talking TO YOU! (Authoritative boss) Anywho, we were talking about how to be more authoritative Here are some sure fire tips on how to do in your place of work: 1) Carry a riding crop 2) Use a bullhorn when you say things 3) After a sentence, instantly punch someone […]

Holy baby killer bat man! (“Killer” smile) No no no no no no no, wait she probably did it, but nooooooo John Pitts, this is best joke on the subject to date: She went from MILF, to MILK(Mom I’d like to Kill) (You’re Drew Peterson of vag) She was found innocent because the prosecution built […]

Twitter Twats

July 5th, 2011

Hey, welcome back from the big holiday weekend. Show me your hands Oooops, somebody tried to light some short wicks and lost some digits (Smooth move dumbass) While you were gone some farthats decided to “hack” FOX news Twitter account And state, “Obama had been assassinated”, and “Obama is dead” (What bags-o-douche) Classy. Since FOX […]

Irony Alert

July 1st, 2011

A man is having lower back problems so he gets pills for it (The “ouch” zone) While opening the pills, some spill on the floor Where he has to try to bend over and pick them up but can’t “Honey, I’m really screwed here, little help?!?!” Death Star Pinata… Means soon to be cannibalized Stormtroppers […]

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