You know the Tea Party is leaning farther right when… A) They hit China 1st B) Your ear is touching the ground C) Karl Rove says you’re not electable (A surprise party? Why the cops?) Rove said our new Tea Turd O’Donnell was basically “unelectable” and “nutty”… What was Republicans/pundits response? You guess it, “Go […]

Elderly white ladies with still functioning “mid-air” pinkies… And 5 year-old girls in their backyards with stuffed unicorns named “Sugar Wings” But last night the Tea Party won a victory in Delaware! (I won?!?!! No way) Tea Tard Christine O’Donnell defeated Republican establishment guy Mike Castle… With her come-from-nowhere win Tuesday night, top Republicans now […]

Jay Mariotti was arrested and charged with seven misdemeanors (The 90’s want their mullet back) For an incident last month in which he grabbed & shoved his live-in girlfriend Cause he was fucked up & out of mind drunk And accused his girlfriend of flirting with another man in a club (Don’t jump, you could […]

1) I’m stupid 2) Bad at math 3) Swear too much 4) Drink too much 5) Totally corrupt (“Which way is the exit again?”) Why I should be mayor of Chicago… 1) I’m stupid 2) Bad at math 3) Swear too much 4) Drink too much 5) Totally corrupt (Zing!) Think about it My best […]

If you haven’t seen this, sit down, don’t drink water, and just watch… (“Listen to me yell things!”) GOP candidate Phil Davidson is fired up. He just can’t tell you why Because he has a masters degree in COMMuniCATION Bill Murry, meet Matt Foley who lives in a “van down by the river” (“Shut your […]

Everyone wants a computer kid. Apple listened and obeys (Where are his USB ports?) No more burping, changing the diaper, or listening to crying… Unless that’s the shit you want, then there’s a “setting” This litter virtual person from Apple will do or say anything you want… Unlike those pesky “real life” little kids Also […]

Holy balls, the queen is dead! Mayor Richard J. Daley isn’t running for mayor of Chicago anymore… (“Oh, you totally farted!”) Wait, can Daley just “not run” for mayor anymore? I thought he was forced to by “Chicago Political Machine Law” (It “makes” you read it) If he doesn’t it explodes and the entire city […]

This charming Larouche gal? Who last year questioned Barney Frank in a Townhall (You’re a dinner table) About the “Nazi policy” health care reform holding a Hitler stashed Obama photo Frank said: “Trying to have a conversation with you, would be like arguing with a dinner table” Turns out, Rachel “Nutty Town” Brown is running […]

On Labor Day… (Wait, how many boobs again?) So go out & build a bridge, or make a rap song with your farts Your call. It’s all about you today… Unless you’re a dick, then it’s all about other people putting up with your silly shit Have a day!

Craigslist removed their Adult Section… (I’m selling a banjo) Now where will sexual deviants skulk around for 3-ways? Rest stops, swingers clubs, & grade school playgrounds Have a day!