Archive for March, 2009

Bracketology Made Easy…

March 19th, 2009

Turn your brackets in today at Kevin’s cubical before 11am! What? You don’t know what you’re doing? (Pull something out of your ass champ) Join the club. It’s called the “I don’t remotely know what the f-train I’m doing for my NCAA March Madness bracket” club. The sign outside of our building for the club […]

Bonus Bullsh#t…

March 18th, 2009

(Liddy shows where tax payer get screwed) You promised brokers a bonus. Because of the financial decisions of these “executive brokers” you suffered the greatest loss your company as ever had and need government assistance just to keep your doors open. In fact, we now own 80% of your company because you royally suck at […]

I’m Back Baby!

March 17th, 2009

(Nothing says bad-ass like Bambi) Rested, and ready to rock. Damn straight. Did you miss me honey? I missed you. Here now, let me look at you… *John looks around his intera-wide-webpage to see what Phil might have done* Whoa! Who gave you this black eye momma bear? Tell me. Don’t look away from me. […]

Sappy Hate Hangover’s Day!

March 16th, 2009

Writing live from the Chicago Loop, I’m Phil Bolger sitting in for John. As the title indicates, he’s currently wandering around Millenium Park bothering tourists for money “for medication!” But while he’s out, I’d like to talk about a topic very near and dear to my heart…awful movies. Southland Tales: Redefining Shit on Camera Today’s […]

This is the weekend if you’re Irish! Even if you’re not, put a beer in your hand and you’ll look the part… (A Leprechaun pissed in the river) Get out to the parades, the people, and the “slurring”… This is where a guy has a huge argument with a mailbox, and no one bats an […]

“Out Of Business”…

March 13th, 2009

In business! Steve Hunt, brother of Mike, owner of Signs of All Kinds says his “Going Out Of Business”, and “75% Off” signs are booming… (Still beats Out Of Business) Remember, one man’s misery is anothers cash cow… Think of other places that cash in on human misery: Methadone clinics, Bankruptcy attorney’s, Divorce attorney’s, Attorney […]

Levi’s Split!

March 12th, 2009

In shocking news, Bristol Palin and her fiancé Levi Johnston have broken up… Oh wait, did I say shocking? I meant “Totally Freaking Expected”… (Ever see a drowning man?) Levi is still a devoted and proud father who will see his son; in between hockey games, PS3 Call Of Duty World At War, drinking with […]

Chuck Norris…

March 11th, 2009

It’s your Birthday! You’re 69 years young oh great golden mustached warrior… (He bleeds lead, white, & blue) In your honor, all other birthdays are now obsolete. Even if you were born today, you can only celebrate Chuck Norris’s birthday. You can’t celebrate your own… (This toy actually plays with you) Chuck’s beard can kill […]

(Harumph! Welcome to Boozey Town!) Making you way in the world today takes everything you got… Taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot… Wouldn’t you like to get away? Sometimes you’ve gotta go, cause the economy’s to blame… And it really quite a shame! The real life “Cheers” bartender Eddie […]

68% Of Republicans…

March 9th, 2009

See that party as leaderless. Meaning that 32% can’t face reality… For Republicans who need a leader, fear not! Try on 14 year-old Jonathan Krohn for size… (Pin says he loves America more than you) Here he is speaking at CPAC a few weeks ago… Who is this lil’ fire brand? First off, Jonathan’s a […]

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