Who doesn’t go back to school!

(Knuckle sandwich on rye)

But if you’re a conservative racist, go ahead & keep your kids home today…

Clearly Obama wants to turn your kids into Marxist Socialist Racist NASCAR Hating Nazi Zombies if you let them watch in class today. Clearly…

(Circus of bullshitters)

Since he’s black, he’s not the actual president of the United States anyhow…

Meh, it’ll be easier to spot douchey parents by the kids who didn’t show…

I feel bad for the kids that were actually sick, or had a doctors appointment now having to explain, “Seriously, I don’t hate black people, I just had projectile shits”…

(Classy!)

It’s nice to know some people let you know when they’re total assholes…

Queen Oprah!

(Hurray! Block traffic downtown)

She takes over the mag mile in downtown Chicago. If you’re anywhere around the loop today avoid that stuff like a broke ass friend looking for money…

(Gimme 5…dollars)

People gathered at 2am. The taping starts at noon and goes until 3pm. Clean up is slatted to be done by 5pm. No chairs, not food, but they got these…

(Crappers ahoy!)

Bow down peasants. Obey the Oprah, or feel her wrath…

(Spread em chump)

Orca is so big she has her own weather system surrounding her…

Which she controls via remote, and can predict the future…

Have a day!