Archive for January, 2011

If “NASCAR” Is A Sport…

January 14th, 2011

Then so is parking at the mall… (NASCAR Jesus!) In both you drive really fast in circles Occasionally trying to beat someone to a parking spot Think about, but not too hard… Have a day!

Hillary Be Trippin’

January 13th, 2011

Not hip hop “trippin’”, or LSD trippin’, but literally tripping (Yes) While getting on Airforce One… (Down goes Frazier!) Someone said they saw George W. Bush stick his foot out… It, Who Shall Remain Nameless I refuse to do any more blogs about our Lil’ Alaskan attention whore… So from now on, I will only […]

You’re Getting Old When…

January 12th, 2011

You start judging the acting quality in porn… (Worst porn ever) So you turn it off and go for a walk. For reals… Just take the dry documentary “The Battle Of Clitoris Hill” (Charge that hill…but be gentle!) The problem was…the men never found it… It was so bad, they even aired it on the […]

Tucson, We Have A Problem…

January 11th, 2011

It’s all anyone can talk about. Mostly because it’s so tragic (Nice logo) But one question to “news/media” outlets: In 3 days after this momunentally sad event Have you taint stains not learned a THING? You have the hard right in media cranking things up… (True) With Megyn Kelly hammering Pima County Sheriff Clarence Dupnik […]

Giffords A Historical Horror

January 10th, 2011

It’s all to sad to even type… (Gabby Giffords) Rep. Gabrielle Giffords of Arizona was shot in the head, at point blank range. She remained in critical but stable condition in a Tucson hospital Monday as her alleged would-be assassin a bald 22 year-old Jared Lee Loughner prepared for court… You know the story by […]

Well “Butter My Beer”…

January 7th, 2011

At the Harry Potter attraction at Universal Islands of Adventure (Sorry, wrong ride) It just marked it’s one millionth Butter Beer sold… Yay! Surely the Hogwarts magic of “Consumerism” is back… (“To evil!”) But wait, a sec. It’s sort of odd they’d even keep that stat… Don’t you think? If they keep that, why not […]

How did Jon Boehner start the 112th session of Congress? (“Look, a murder weapon!”) With an hour and a half reading of the US Constitution aloud Nice. Everything was going smoothly… We’ve turned a corner on ignorance, screaming, hate, and lies. Then… (Moron patrol) *Cue the fucking nutjob who screams “Except Obama, Except Obama”* At […]

New Tiny Tea Tard Congress!

January 5th, 2011

The 112th Congress convenes today… (Get up, time for work!) Meaning they only get their syllabus & jag off the rest of the day… Like the 1st of day of school after the summer break… You watch The Apple Dumpling Gang, eat cupcakes, fart, and nap Republicans accept they must do more than just oppose […]

Bet you didn’t know which US city is the worst for Bed Bugs? (I can see em in my bed from here) New York! Oh, you did…because you’ve seen Leather coat clad BedBug “gangs” harassing folks in Central Park… (Christian BB Gangs?) Well bet you didn’t know what #2 was? Columbus Ohio. For reals… Woops) […]

Ever accidentally been turn on during an e-mail? (Ohhhh shiiiiiiiiiiiiit) Oh, you’ll know when it ends with “Cause I’m just chillin’, maxing, & relaxin’” You’ll see other gems like: “Tubular”, “Grody To The Max”, and “Gag Me With A Spoon” (Nice 80’s Tron font) Just make sure to double check you Neomaxizoomdweebie (Nice replica) *See’s […]

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