How did Jon Boehner start the 112th session of Congress?

(“Look, a murder weapon!”)

With an hour and a half reading of the US Constitution aloud

Nice. Everything was going smoothly…

We’ve turned a corner on ignorance, screaming, hate, and lies. Then…

(Moron patrol)

*Cue the fucking nutjob who screams “Except Obama, Except Obama”*

At the part talking about a US citizen’s eligibility to be president

(Oh shit…)

Holy fuck train face-lift…

You people make paint huffing retarded NASCAR couples look brilliant. Hell, it’s pretty damn clear that all the “Birthers” thinking they’re not “racist” is sort of like victims of male pattern baldness expecting hair will “magically” grow back…

(Yes, we get it assholes)

For the 1st hour, the Republican side was full, while far fewer Democrats occupied the other side. After an hour, the number of Republican listeners also declined

That’s like throwing your own party

And getting kind of pissed other invited guests didn’t show thinking it would suck

(Hopping party)

But then even you start leaving because it does suck…

When you already know the ending to Star Wars ESB

With Luke and the crew safe getting medals, let’s grab an early lunch

Did You Know?

Snooki tested her new Perfume “Drunk Douchess” over Arkansas on New Years Eve

(Makes a “Skaaaaaank” SFX)

Then at the exact time 4,000 birds suddenly fall from sky. Coincidence?

I think not. And that’s one to grow on…

Have a day!