Archive for June, 2010

Utah has a “death by firing squad” law. Nifty… (How “1800’s” of them) Someone should tell them the Civil War ended, and the North won Guessing Typhoid and Dysentery are still big hits there to… (The itunes firing squad) A death row inmate, who had used a gun to fatally shoot two men, suffered the […]

Ashford & Simpson…

June 17th, 2010

Think Iowa Republican Steve King is “solid as a rock”… (The 80’s called, stop raping it) If by “solid as a rock” they mean “creepy racial guy”… He said: “I’m offended by Eric Holder and the president also, their posture. It looks like Eric Holder said that white people in America are cowards when it […]

Slick Speech Oily!

June 16th, 2010

When you spoke with America last night… (Is that your “happy” face?) You blamed BP for fucking up. Good. You didn’t say you also fucked up. Bad It’s time you did stuff and stopped talking about it. Do, don’t talk. Talk is nice… (We need Shaft, not Dr. Phil) By the pillow in the bedroom… […]

Jesus Christ!

June 15th, 2010

Struck by lightening?!?! (Jesus Christ!) You bet, a 6 story tall Jesus The “King of Kings” statue in southwest Ohio The big question is, was it Mother Nature or god? If god, he can bank on a shitty Fathers Day gift. If Mother Nature, deal with it… (Up yours!) She is one cold, tough, bi-polar […]

To make this… (He’s gonna eat the panda) Think about it… Have a day!

It’s “sportsgasim” Friday… A parade by our house with a shiny silver cup & mullets… (The dreaded “Mullet Cup”) Cubs vs. White Sox now seems like  a “meh” dessert after a fine meal… Something fluffy fun, but nothing like the porterhouse main course… Like a non-smelly fart in the wind that no one heard Chicago […]

Jobs, We Have A Problem

June 8th, 2010

Steve Jobs, hand jobs, blow jobs. Meh, no one cares now… (“Listen bitch, I got this”) It’s all about jobby jobs. You know, the one’s you get paid for… When something from Apple doesn’t work, I call that a “Tuesday”… Apple has the coolest gadgets on the planet… (Seems tiny) With more bugs than an […]

Tea Bagging Cats?!?!

June 7th, 2010

I knew it… (Welcome to my Tea Party) With their numbers down, the Tea Party folks have now gone with recruiting cats… Once they all come on board, cats with make up 31% of all NASCAR fans… They also have a new tag line: “Be a huge puss, join the Tea Party today!” No “tea […]

Shitty Shoplifter!

June 4th, 2010

STEVENS POINT, Wis.–An Amherst man accused of trying to steal “dirty diapers” from a home has been sentenced to 30 months of probation, 200 hours of community service, & must undergo a psycho-sexual examination (Perfectly creepy as fuck guy) Because, now get a load of this… He likes to wear diapers and thought there might […]

Think of older guys shaking their fist. What do they say? “Slow down!”, “Stay off my lawn, punks!”, “It’s either this or my foot up your ass!” (*Grrrrrrrunt*) Welp, in a Guatemala City, they yell, “Stop stuffing your trash in my sinkhole!” (Looks photoshopped) The hole is 200ft deep, & swallowed a 3 story building. […]

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