Attempts joke…

(True)

Wait, who’s Dane Cook again?

Isn’t he the host of Celebrity Shit Eaters on Fox?

Wasn’t he also in The Untalented Mr. Cook?

People throw around the term “comedian” pretty damn loosely now-a-days. In order to be a comedian you had to have done hundreds of thousands of shows, played thousands of rooms, and spent a lot of time honing your craft to be great…

(Don’t overtry)

The only thing Cook honed is flipping around then staring into the camera until you uncomfortably laugh. His material’s weaker than a bridge made of crackers…

What was the “joke” at the Teen Choice Awards? Cook called out for Vanessa Hudgens, then said, “Girl, you gots to keep your clothes on! Phones are for phone calls, girl!”. Great, he’s become Carrot Top without the props…

(Pretty good at photoshop)

Then Dr. Giggles went on to state, “I planned it about 20 minutes before I went out there. (I said it) because I like to be on the cusp of fear.”

*Slaps hand to forehead*

Holy balls! It took him 20 minutes to write a shitty 10 second joke? That statement pretty much admits he sucks. It took me 3 minutes to come up with these 8…

You know you’re unlucky when…

-I break a mirror, but it offered me an IOU until I can get back on my feet…
-Only my shoes find the dog shit…in my own front yard…& I don’t own a dog…
-The lottery offers me unlimited free tickets
-The first pet I got ran away. It was a fish…
-Vegas calls me once a day asking to stop by…
-The lucky horse shoe I found came with the horse still attached…& it was dead…
-I walk into the gym & they say “No Thanks”…
-My friend comes to pick me up, sees it’s me, then decides to keep driving…

Cartoon Man Pleads Guilty…

In a cartoon court, with a cartoon judge, to aiding in a real ponzi scheme…

(“Can I get a cartoon sentence?”)

Frank DiPascali pled guilty to aiding Bernie Madoff, who’s already getting rump pumped for 150 years. DiPascali had worked for Madoff since he was 18, eventually becoming his chief financial officer…of total Bullshit fake companies…

When Bernie’s cornhole is all flabby from cell block D, Frank can tighten things up…

Meh, if douchebags were airplanes we couldn’t see the sun…

Have a day!