Today is…

(Did you find your contact?)

Headaches! Number 2 is removing vomit from clothing…

Wow, the day after New Years, “headaches” are #1. I’m shocked. That’s like being shocked that the Bears are out of the playoffs, cars need gas, and water is wet…

Money Money Money

In financial crisis we trust…

(Instead it should be a casino)

People keep saying, “Gee, I hope this year is better than last year”…

As if we have no clue of the immense shit storm coming. It’s going to be a shitty year, but the good news is that like GI Joe PSA’s, “knowing is half the battle”…

(He says, “Go Joe”, “Let’s Roll”, & “Where’s my free quality health-care fuckers?!?!”)

Things will get better eventually, but ignoring the dire straits is like having a Hummer parked in your living room hoping one day you’ll come home and it suddenly won’t be there…

Funny Death Signs

What’s funnier than death signs? I don’t ever want to know…

(Dead people are paying out)

Have a day!