-A pregnant mom carrying triplets one week before delivery
-A sexual predator with a victim in his unmarked white van
-Your 6th grade teacher after a night of binge drinking
-A truck driver after a sleepless week up on pep pills
-A loan officer when you back date your payments a month earlier
-A TSA security guard to literally everyone
-Gopher on the original Love Boat
-The Jewish leaders were against Jesus in the Bible
-Any person you happen to be standing behind of at the DMV

(Feining fear, Doug smells his fart)

Take your pick. I liked #3 best, but you decide…

It dropped faster than pants at a nudest colony

(Zong)

Almost 500 points at one time during the trading day

Meh, like I said, you watch. Once football season starts, all is forgiven

(He said not to panic)

It’ll soar soon, because of the NFL Sunday ticket, AKA “Man-Crack”

Letterman Now A Jihad Target

Wait, now what what with the what what?

Maybe the few violent militant Muslims didn’t get a dictionary

But comedian means we makes jokes about EVERYONE

(Thanks for free new material)

If we didn’t, we’d be biased, stupid, & irrelevant. You know, like FOX News

ZING

In a Muslim on-line forum it turns out someone didn’t like his “drone” joke

The guy wrote his name, Al-Basrawi, and then said this:

“Is there not among you a Sayyid Nosair al-Mairi…

to cut the tongue of this lowly Jew and shut it forever?”

(I love Scotland)

Classy! Something to think about. If, & it’s a big IF

But IF you find yourself being an evil terrorist plotting death to America

Maybe don’t USE YOUR REAL NAME ON-LINE

(File photo of him)

Also, you do know people can trace IP addresses directly to you

Thankfully militants are not only wrong, violent, & hateful. Turns out

(Stupid people)

They’re also really really really really really fucking stupid

Have a day!