Then posts it on Facebook… (What? Can’t hear, my shirts too loud) The artist currently known as “Skinny little fucker who wears purple” said this while trying to promote his new album 20Ten, not using the internet at all. Oh, I get it, rip the thing you’re not using, then give away an album for […]

(Cock fight) What? What did you think I meant? Aw come on, get your mind out of the gutter Have a day!

He’s going to “Booger Sugar Land” Miami (Poor Cleveland bitch slapped again) The thoughts on this entire event are “Big fucking deal?” *Uses hands to make a large circle, then humps it, then mimes dealing cards* ESPN, you looked like some skeezy pimp last night peddling NBA pussy (Gives “whores” a bad name) Which gives […]

Vacuuming? Playing Sudoku? Spanking it in a sock? Don’t know if you heard, but a guy who plays “the basketball” has somethin’ to say… (My ego is this big) And he’s saying it at 8pm CST tonight. Well, not exactly at that moment Cause that’d be smart. He’s gonna drag this out like the last […]

Lindsay Lohan was sentenced to 90 days in jail… (No cell phone, or cable for 90 days?) While we’re all still sentenced to a lifetime’s worth of her shitty acting All because she was Fully Loaded while driving Herbie… She’s gonna be passed around like a spleef at a Dave Matthews concert… (I’m somebody’s bitch) […]

Oh the humanity of being in a numbers game… Census worker Russell Haas, in attempt to get filled out census data from a county police officer, landed Haas in the back of his patrol car with a trespassing charge (Guy doing his job) *Slaps hand to forehead* Listen up NASCAR watching, wife-beating, knuckle-draggers; it’s not […]

Get some color! (Pasty Face) Maybe like a vampire spray tan, or even put on some base make-up You’re whiter than an older Republican trying to dance Forget Team Jacob vs. Team Edward… (Nice!) It’s Team Shirtless Douche-hole vs. Team Chalk White Creepy Teen Have a day!

No, no, no, no, no… Did I mention no? You want to go from this: (Boner alert) To this? (Goth douche alert) No fucking way. She looks like a dumpy Twilight kid… Hey graphic artists. Here’s a news flash for you; you can’t just go around messing with the Wonder Woman all us nerds have […]

It’s 60 feet long, with vicious, tusk-like teeth some 36 centimeters (14 inches) long (His name is Kevin) Death Whale! Death Whale! DEATH WHALE! And it was discovered at Wet-N-Wild water park eating little kids… (Death Whale!) Death Whale! Death Whale! DEATH WHALE! It can also walk on land, fly, file proper I-9 taxes, and […]