It’s 60 feet long, with vicious, tusk-like teeth some 36 centimeters (14 inches) long

(His name is Kevin)

Death Whale! Death Whale! DEATH WHALE!

And it was discovered at Wet-N-Wild water park eating little kids…

(Death Whale!)

Death Whale! Death Whale! DEATH WHALE!

It can also walk on land, fly, file proper I-9 taxes, and breath fire

Death Whale! Death Whale! DEATH WHALE!

(Whew, at least Death Whale isn’t close)

It wasn’t really discovered at a water park, and might not really exist

When an artist draws something scientists say, it must be true…

In that case, draw me sitting on a pile of $, hoes, and a car

Black Basketball Jesus

It’s not about Lebron James. It’s only about him…

(Don’t fu#k my mom!)

Here’s a tip to would be cities if you really want to land Lebron

Sign a contract promising no one on the team will fuck his mother

He’s gets to be mayor, have his own airport, and legally named Jesus…

Have a day!