Mr. Santa M. Clause was arrested during a San Bernardino drug sting by detective Mitch Flagler for dealing Bolivian marching powder, 700 lbs of reefer, and designer ecstasy called “sleigh bells”…
(Ho ho ho nooooooooo)
He was being held on a 7 million dollar bond which his lawyer hopes to post tonight in order to “get all those toys to good girls and boys”…
The California District Attorney might deny bond labeling him a “flight risk”. This truly will be a “White Christmas”, with “Snow Flurries” possible tonight in California…
Lance Armstrong Expecting Baby
In what can only be “genetically fucking impossible”, ex world cyclist, and Tour De France champion Lance Armstrong is pregnant! During this shocking news development, Lance stated, “Well, if Arnold can do it in the smash film Junior, surely I can”…
(Lance not “showing” at 1/2 a month)
Good luck Lance, your biking pants will never look the same on your ass after this…
Nancy Reagan Gets Early Gift
Santa looked very different this year for Nancy Reagan. While sitting on the lap Mr T she remarked, “That’s odd, it feels as if I’m seated on a baseball bat”…
(Nancy looks deep into the mohawk)
Mr T replied, “I pity the fool that doesn’t like foreplay”, quickly followed by, “Next”…
Merry Holidays!
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