Archive for March, 2010

I Would Like…

March 19th, 2010

To offer Rush Limpballs, Glenn Wreck, and Michelle Malcontent a chance to go fuck themselves anytime they’d like. This isn’t a once in a lifetime offer, it’s good forever… (The Sour Rangers) Why so hot under the collar? They like to mock and ridicule 11 year-old Marcelas Owens, whose mother got sick, lost her job, […]

Attention Black People…

March 18th, 2010

Leave Walmart now! When you thought shit couldn’t sink any lower, you get… A male voice came over the public-address system Sunday evening at a store in Washington Township, in southern New Jersey, and decided to calmly announce: “Attention, Walmart customers: All black people, leave the store now.” (What the fuck is wrong with people?) […]

National Drunk Day!

March 17th, 2010

It’s St. Patrick’s Day, so… If you’re not hammered enough yet today to where you’re picking a fight with a jukebox, or making sweet love to alley trash cans…you’re just not tryin’ lazy ass… (“Got Drunk?”) Today the Chicago river looks like the underside of grade school desks…super green When you go out today hammered […]

Tiger Returns…

March 16th, 2010

To fucking women other than his wife on tour… (Oh, nice shot!) Zing! Got your attention. Meh, I could care less if Tiger plays again or not. His wife, sure as shit wants him out there pulling down duckets cause they’re going right to her… (Bitch gotta have her $) He came out and said: […]

It’s that time of year again…Daylight Savings time! Hope you sprung forward. Oh yeah, and it’s NCAA Tourny time… (Small print?) Do: -Spell shit correctly. It’s not Illinosse, Wisconson, or Gonzaladygaga -Ask your friends who they picked, not about a recent Proctologist visit -Call your girlfriend “Tea Bagger stupid” for taking Northern Iowa to win […]

A cat named Mr. Whiskers was picked up on prostitution charges steaming from a March 11th incident where he was caught red pawed peddling piles of pussy… (Mista Whiskers) This underground “pussy ring” ran deep… If your cat recently had sex in the mid-west… There’s a 1 in 3 chance it was one of Mr. […]

In a bold move, president Obama decided we should all be focusing on ways to save $ while at the same time making it. He came up with a new innovative plan… It’s called the SYSTEM. It stands for Sell Your Small Toddlers Ensuring Money (I support SYSTEM!) On E-bay the small white one’s are […]


March 11th, 2010

Beck banked his entire show on disgraced Democratic congressmen Eric Massa (Thud!) It flopped like an old ladies underarms in the wind… Massa hired a surprisingly large percentage of young gay men, and paid them so little that staffers were forced to live in the house with him. Goody, let’s party fellas He also had […]

If Lindsay Lohan…

March 10th, 2010

Get’s to sue the E-trade Baby commercials for using the name Lindsay… (“Milk-a-wha?”) We get to sue her for totally sucking at her job… Deal? No? No deal? Then close your silver brief case, and sit the fuck down… That was a little angry, but after being only 1 of 17 people who saw “I […]

Make you puke… (Oh no, here we goooooo) Remember, not everyone who travels is “sexy”, or “hot, or “cleanly back shaven” I don’t care, but stupid photo’s do… (Thanks Jude Buffum) For every Megan Fox, you get a Jenny McFatterson from Crown Point Wisconsin… Not that it’s an issue, but just make sure we, even […]

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