Mr. Hand: “You’re absolutely right Mr. Spicoli, it is our time!”

(Having some food, learning about Cuba)

After watching most of the Democratic National Convention coverage last night, I was left with this really strange feeling. Something I haven’t felt in a long time. It was pride…

I instantly thought something was seriously wrong with me so I called a doctor. When they answered I said, “Doc, I’m not feeling well! I suddenly came down with an acute case of pride in our country”. A woman said, “Sir, calm down, that’s not something bad to have, it’s actually good”. I was about to go on further, but she said, “You might have miss-dialed 343 by accident. This is a Footlocker where everything is 20% for today only, not Dr. Shekner’s office, and we close in 20 minutes”…

I was stunned, even she knew I’d be fine and wasn’t a professional doctor; so I had her place some new Nike sandals on hold for me…

Something happened in America last night. It wasn’t overly noticeable. Something bigger than us all. It wasn’t based in fear, trepidation, baseless smears, propaganda by talking heads, or blindly crossing your fingers in hope. It was this sudden conviction. Reality. Truth. Something happened last night that made it easier to get up today. Maybe because I felt we turned a corner together as a country…or maybe it’s because I didn’t wake up with a hang over like the day before when I got so hammered I fucked the Roomba, then pissed myself in bed…

Mr. Hand said it best with, “According to my calculations, Mr. Spicoli, you wasted a total of eight hours of my time this year. And rest assured that is a kind estimate…now I have the unique pleasure of evening our account”. This November, class begins…

(In my day, we would’ve placed “job” on the end)

Aloha Mr. Hand!