Nothing says “heart attack” like two 4oz. beef patties, two slices of cheese, 6 strips of bacon, mayo and ketchup…

(It takes four days to walk around on foot)

I’m talking about The Baconator from Wendy’s! It’s so bad for you, they actually serve it with defibulator pads and a cardiologist. One sniff of the sandwich and your left arm goes numb. After three bites most people black out…for true!

After eating half of one, Arnold Whistle of Coppell, TX woke up three days later, pant-less in the dumpster, unable to pronounce the letter “s”. When the cops asked what happened he said, “I wa eating, thi burger, then uddenly hit went dark…”

In controlled experiments, the Jenko Corporation feed one to a 17,121lb Kodiak Brown Bear named Marbles…

(Artists rendering of Marbles)

The Bear collapsed instantly as it’s heart rocketed from it’s chest and flew over 7000 yards. When a bunch of fancy schmancy people in white lab coats finally got within 20ft of the heart…it exploded…

Knowing all this, you know what you must do. Hurry, and get Baconated today!