Blame Guitar Hero III!

The world is falling apart, and instead of Nero fiddling…everyone’s collectively decided to play Rock Band, Rock Band 2, the upcoming GH World Tour, or GH III…

(My Guitar Hero III instructor 6 year-old Matthew Dicklips)

My licks are sick, my chords are wammied, & nobody “hammer ons” or does “pull offs” better than me. By “nobody”, I mean anyone missing all their fingers…it’s a select group…

If you like feeling old, rediscovering your own horribly off beat rhythm, or being humiliated regularly by 7 and 8 year olds all across this country, I suggest you play on-line. I find it easier to shuffle a deck of cards filled with razor blades or stack several household appliances on my face while drinking a jug of my own urine than hit basic cords to Pearl Jams “Even Flow“. That’s why I’m climbing in my time machine, and heading back to where games felt real, boss, and easier to play. Stuff like Moon Patrol, Jump Bug, Marble Madness, Joust, Kung Fu, Robotron, Donkey Kong, Defender, Frogger, Rampart, Qbert, Spy Hunter, Battle Tank, Galaga, Tron, Crazy Climber, and Punch Out. Here I come Glass Joe, Pizza Pasta, and Bald Bull…left, left, right, body blow, body blow!

(Funny, I don’t remember Uncle Jesse in Punch Out)

I’m older than Jesus’s beard…