Called me the other night…asking for me to donate money to his campaign…

(Obama shows the crowd how high he can lift a baby over his head)

I told him, “I already did”. Then he said, “John, I believe in you. Together we will accomplish great things for this country. We will change things. We can only do this together, and I am so glad you are a part of it. Thank you!”

Next thing I knew he had my money, my house, and my pants…while I was left standing naked under a viaduct…

Fuck…this guys gooooooooooooooood…