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Michael Phelps is…

August 16th, 2008

God!

Seven gold metals. Seven! Now he’s going for a record eight today!

Phelps(Michael Phelps explains to young Bridgette she shouldn’t fear drowning as much as the membership & locker fees)

I’m pretty sure he can bend metal, eat fatty foods without gaining a pound, measure things by sight and be perfectly accurate, do laundry while winning in scrabble, turn an abandoned factory into a new hip youth center with the help of a rag-tag group of scrappy kids during an 80’s music montage, fly, dump hot girlfriends while having three other hotter options waiting to bone him, help the elderly complain, write upside down with a regular pen, get out of jury duty, and save every endangered species known to man…but one thing he can’t do…

Remember to turn the TV off before he falls asleep…

According to the Baltimore Sun:

“He falls asleep with the television on: When you spend half your life in hotel rooms all around the world, the familiar sounds of ESPN or The Discovery Channel can provide some small measure of comfort.”

That lazy son of bitch! The best ever? I think not! I used to admire him, now I just shake my head in utter disgust, and say, “Good day sir!” When he tries to respond with an explanation holding 8 gold medals, I loudly say, “I said good day!”

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