Make you puke…

(Oh no, here we goooooo)

Remember, not everyone who travels is “sexy”, or “hot, or “cleanly back shaven”

I don’t care, but stupid photo’s do…

(Thanks Jude Buffum)

For every Megan Fox, you get a Jenny McFatterson from Crown Point Wisconsin…

Not that it’s an issue, but just make sure we, even us fat people, can’t see that shit…

(Does this gun make me look fat?)

Nothing’ll make you go on a crash diet faster than seeing the top part of you penis being covered by your gut. Or, just keep on going for the gut gold & eat more…

It’s a very special “x-ray style wake-up call”

Palin Had Canadian Healthcare…

When she was six…

(I know what hypocrisy is, why?)

“We used to hustle over the border for health care we received in Canada,” Palin said in her 1st Canadian appearance since quitting. “And I think now, isn’t that ironic?”

Um, no. Ironic is where you hate guns, but one day a gun saves your life, so now you like guns. The word you’re looking for is “hypocrite”, you useless fart-helmet

(You betcha!)

The only explanation for her folks doing this…

Her parents musta been Socialist Nazi Werewolf Jazz Dancers…only explanation…

Have a day!

Unemployed people collecting benefits are stupid lazy people…

(Dig my groove “lazy people”)

Tom Delay: “You know, there’s an argument to be made that these extensions, the unemployment benefits keeps people from going and finding jobs. In fact there are some studies that have been done that show people stay on unemployment compensation and they don’t look for a job until two or three weeks before they know the benefits are going to run out.

Host Candy Crowley: Congressman, that’s a hard sell, isn’t it?

Delay: It’s the truth.

Crowley: People are unemployed because they want to be?

Delay: well, it is the truth. and people in the real world know it. And they have friends and they know it. Sure, we ought to be helping people that are unemployed find a job, but we also have budget considerations that are incredibly important, especially now that Obama is spending monies that we don’t have.

(I said “Suck it” poor people)

Funny I read a totally different version. It went something like this…

Delay: No one who was working hard before this depression/recession who lost their job ever wants to go back to work. Never. Mostly because they’re all lazy leeching welfare cases who should be shot in the face. Poor struggling hard working people are stupid, & annoy me

Host Candy Crowley: Congressman, are you fucking kidding me?

Delay: I’m not bitch tits! Now if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to up my asshole ante

Crowley: Please go on. Are you saying all unemployed people want to be that way?

Delay: Yep, all their friends want in on the action too. I guess what I’m really saying is that anyone collecting unemployment is a welfare whore who should stop. I don’t give a shit if you need $, or if any unemployed people find a job, they shouldn’t be getting benefits they earned from working. That’s stupid. I say screw em, especially now that Obama’s black. He should have done what I did and make a job out of thin air by laundering money. Then getting caught doing it… twice

(”I feel, good…about being bad”)

It’s like Mel Brooks History Of The World, “Fuck the poor”. Stay classy Tom…

Have a day!

names themselves “The Situation”?

(He’s “greater than” signs!)

Were “Creepy Italian American Stereotype” & “Captain Taint Face” already taken?

Jersey Shore, more like Jerky Bores?

(Wee, the talentless whore parade!)

No? Nothing?

Then you wouldn’t have liked Jerky Snore, or Jerky Whores either…

We all wait with baited breath for his DUI/Sex Tape/illigetimate kid event

Have a day!

Ruh rho Raggy! A leaked RNC document mocks it’s donors then shows a detailed plan to regain power by using scare tactics and fear against Obama. It asks “What can you sell when you do not have the White House, the House, or the Senate…?”

(Nifty!)

The answer: “Save the country from trending toward Socialism!”

Turns out the GOP are using the exact same tactics as…the Tea Baggers!

(Riiiiiiiiiigggght)

My my, we’ve come full circle now. It’s sort of shocking, right? I know, that’s like being super surprised that fire is hot, or that dogs lick their balls…

They’ve been doing this shit for over 30 years. It’s all over but the crying…

(Sad)

Welp, they just lost the mid-term elections with this lil’ gem…

Stay classy you habitual lying fear mongering soulless corporate assholes…

Instant karma just knocked you the fuck out. Start the 10 count. 1…2…

Have a day!

Palin stated with conviction, “I think the mainstream media is quite broken, and I think there needs to be the fairness, the balance in there, that’s why I joined FOX”

(What that a joke?)

Oh, you mean when basic facts & reality don’t meet your insanely wrapped incorrect ignorant world view about “real Americans”, they should change those basic facts & reality to suit your views helping your narrative? Sorta like FOX does. Check…

So she went on to “try” stand-up…

(Leno’s watching his career toilet)

“Trying” what I and other amazing people do for living, on the coveted holy grail for working comics the Tonight Show…makes me want to cunt punch her.

How about you try your luck at a real club like Gothams, or Zanies?

With no writer, or a lovable TV audience ready to laugh at anything?

You’d be eaten alive tundra trash…

(You just won’t go away, will ya?)

Sarah, I found this for you *reaches into pocket & pulls out middle finger*. Oh, wait, found one more *Goes behind her ear & pulls another middle finger out*. Twins!

Ahhhhhh Sarah Palin…

Constantly pushing herself to new amazing heights of ignorant irrelevance. Can we swap her out for the poor luge guy who died? Feel like he’d use his life better…

Have a day!

They’re way faster, furry, make loud growling noises, pounce on shit, look super cool running in slow motion, bad ass paws, and tackle other animals with their mouth…

(Lunch!)

Whales spend like 80% of the time under water, which makes em super douchey…

How are we supposed to like them, if we can’t even fucking see them?

(Underwater jerk)

I think a cheetah could totally take a whale if it learned how to swim and was like about 40 times bigger. Wish there was a “giganto ray gun” somewhere to do that

(Wrong kind)

Now if we’re talking which would I rather see eat an old man, a whale for sure…

It’s faster, one big gulp. Cheetahs would take to long…

Have a day!

The GOP paid big $ for hip-hop auto-tune Sarah Palin talking points…

(Hip hoppityriffic!)

Check this out…

Wow, that’s whiter than liquid paper…

It’s nice to see Kevin Federline finally got a job…after eating a family of 5…

(Zing!)

Look GOP, come on over here. Let’s chat…

*Hunches over taking index finger motioning to “come here” close*

If you guys just keep re-branding the exact same dog food, people know it’s your brand still and it sucks. You guys need real leaders, to address our very real problems that your views created over 8 years, not gimmicks.

(Lookin’ in your direction!)

“Gimmicks” get you the political desert. Welcome!

Meh, they’re nice during the cold winters, but it’s a drrrrrrry heat…

Good luck with that…

Have a day!

Ever heard about someone holding up Unemployment benefits just because they could? Well you don’t know nuthing about the magical insanity of R-Jim Bunning

(It’s the “Live Short & Die” sign)

When asked by other Democratic senators why he was holding up the bill knowing benefits would lapse forcing lost benefits & the red tape of “re-enrolling”…

He said, “Tough shit”, then complained that the debate caused him to miss the Kentucky vs. South Carolina basketball game. Poor lil’ bag of douche…

(Someone’s got anger issues)

When Senate producer Byron Wolf spotted Bunning exiting his office, Bunning said, “I’m not talking to anybody.” Wolf asked him to stay and talk to our cameras, Bunning walked toward the elevator and shot the middle finger over his head.

Stay classy Jim! By “classy” I mean “pig headed you utter dipshit”

Have a day!

Wanta know how you came off looking in the summit?

(Play those licks Johnny!)

Like the angry old creepy haired white guy who doesn’t like listening to the black guy who beat him in 2008 lecture that we all should come together and fix health care…

He resented being there. He still thinks that’s his seat. Sadly obvious…

(”I doez ant neither!”)

Then he made a big poopy in his $700 pants…and took a nap…

Have a day!

Let’s give you a run down on yesterdays events:

(We can do it, people are good)

Obama: Sincere complementary remarks to all/GOP sighting the “jobs bill” passage as reason for hope, asking this to be a constructive discussion about all places where we agree in healthcare reform, not be political theater solely to score points

Lamar Alexander: Uses his opening remarks including an auto show car example about scrapping all the bills & totally starting over to solely score political points

(Nope, they don’t care. Not one bit)

*Puts face in hands*

Should’ve known better. This is like watching a parent looking skyward as their child is running around the kitchen knocking everything over holding a lit torch…

(Suck it professor Obama!)

It will pass. They’ll even add in more Republican ideas in Reconciliation…

Coverage tomorrow so tune in…

Have a day!