Big ones…

Small ones…

Silly ones…

Tall ones…

One things fo sho, they be everywhere nowadays. I wondered, “What’s up with all these fucking mustaches lately?”. I honestly did aloud last night at checkout counter #3 of the downtown Walgreen’s. A woman covered her kids ears when I said it. I didn’t have the heart to tell her he was 27 and wasn’t her kid…

I had to grow a thick horseshoe for a sketch called Chick Pounder-Adult Film Star, and I found out some very interesting things from the mustache front…

(A family of seven is currently living in my mustache)

People who used to make direct eye contact with me, smile, and say “Hello” suddenly stopped. They’d turn their head away and mumble something into their shoulder to effect of “oh helllllllrerewmwm gotta go”. Kids were now scared shitless of me. Their forehead would crinkle and have a look of “I shat myself. Could you please get away from me now?”

After thinking long and hard, I figured mustaches are a statement about your individuality, if your individuality says, “I expect to be left alone except for the few brave souls who stuck their hands into the lions cage and now call friends”. I’m all about letting your freak flag fly high and proud! With that said, facial hair does say a lot of things about who you are…from potential rapist/future felon; to wealthy accountant on a motorcycle/talented independent actor…

You decide!