{"id":982,"date":"2009-03-17T09:21:54","date_gmt":"2009-03-17T15:21:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/?p=982"},"modified":"2009-03-19T14:01:36","modified_gmt":"2009-03-19T20:01:36","slug":"im-back-baby","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/2009\/03\/17\/im-back-baby\/","title":{"rendered":"I&#8217;m Back Baby!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/03\/im-back-bitches.jpg\" alt=\"im-back-bitches.jpg\" height=\"201\" width=\"269\" \/>(Nothing says bad-ass like Bambi)<\/p>\n<p>Rested, and ready to rock. Damn straight. Did you miss me honey?<\/p>\n<p>I missed you. Here now, let me look at you&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>*John looks around his intera-wide-webpage to see what Phil might have done*<\/p>\n<p>Whoa! Who gave you this black eye momma bear?<\/p>\n<p>Tell me. Don&#8217;t look away from me. Who did this to you?<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/03\/pimpin.jpg\" alt=\"pimpin.jpg\" height=\"322\" width=\"273\" \/>(Awwwww, how dysfunctional)<\/p>\n<p>You what?<\/p>\n<p>You accidentally hit it on a door knob while bending over to get your car keys?<\/p>\n<p>That has to be <em>the<\/em> stupidest thing, I&#8217;ve ever heard someon&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>*John drops his car keys, bends over to pick them up. Hits eye on door knob*<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/03\/black-eye.jpg\" alt=\"black-eye.jpg\" height=\"146\" width=\"273\" \/>(<em>Don&#8217;t<\/em> cut in line at Subway)<\/p>\n<p>I <em>totally<\/em> believe you baby&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Things That Aren&#8217;t True&#8230;<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/03\/not-true.jpg\" alt=\"not-true.jpg\" height=\"207\" width=\"275\" \/>(I painted it. Nice huh?)<\/p>\n<p>-St. Patrick is the patron saint of hangovers<br \/>\n-AIG brokers deserved a bonus<br \/>\n-Nancy Pelosi can shoot lasers from her eyes and eats children<br \/>\n-&#8220;March Madness&#8221; will now be called &#8220;Exploiting NCAA Basketball Players For Money&#8221;<br \/>\n-Warlocks don&#8217;t have to file tax returns<br \/>\n-Casino&#8217;s offer to give money back only if you <em>really<\/em> needed it<br \/>\n-The new <em>Dora The Bi-Sexual Explorer<\/em> doll is selling really well<br \/>\n-Jim Cramer from Mad Money still has a shred of credibility<br \/>\n-Popping in Leprechaun the movie will <em>really<\/em> impress that special someone today<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/03\/leprechaun.jpg\" alt=\"leprechaun.jpg\" height=\"399\" width=\"272\" \/>(So did the audience)<\/p>\n<p>If Leprechauns <em>really<\/em> had a pot of gold, in today&#8217;s economy, do you think they&#8217;d just be hanging out at the end of a rainbow waiting to be found? Fuck no! They&#8217;d be in Vegas, New York, or Santa Monica blowing it on top notch hookers and drugs&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Think about it. They&#8217;re freakishly short, so they have to pay for sex anyway&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Happy St. Patrick&#8217;s Day!<\/p>\n<p>Now go have a day before I gotta send <em>Leprechaun<\/em> to kick you in the shamrocks&#8230;<\/p>\n<div id=\"bolge-2514742818\" class=\"bolge-after-content bolge-entity-placement\"><ins class=\"adbladeads\" data-cid=\"44284-1271501652\" data-host=\"web.adblade.com\" data-tag-type=\"4\" data-protocol=\"https\" style=\"display:none\"><\/div><br style=\"clear: both; display: block; float: none;\"\/>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>(Nothing says bad-ass like Bambi) Rested, and ready to rock. Damn straight. Did you miss me honey? I missed you. Here now, let me look at you&#8230; *John looks around his intera-wide-webpage to see what Phil might have done* Whoa! Who gave you this black eye momma bear? Tell me. Don&#8217;t look away from me. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-982","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news-comedy-satire"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/982","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=982"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/982\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=982"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=982"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=982"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}