{"id":97,"date":"2008-08-12T08:38:10","date_gmt":"2008-08-12T14:38:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/?p=97"},"modified":"2008-08-12T12:32:23","modified_gmt":"2008-08-12T18:32:23","slug":"avoid-this","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/2008\/08\/12\/avoid-this\/","title":{"rendered":"Avoid this!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Take one helium balloon, three squirrel-like rodents, $3.99 in the bargain bin, and what do you get?<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/www.johnbolger.com\/img\/chipmunks01.jpg\" \/><font size=\"-1\">(Theodore\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s packing a glock)<\/font><\/p>\n<p>Alvin and the Chipmunks the movie! You know if you have kids, or a younger niece\/nephew, or friends who have kids, chances are you&#8217;ve had to watch this by default, and probably like me, were <strong>not<\/strong> happy about it. Their little voices wear on you like rubbing 12-grit sand paper on your face. With that in mind, here\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a detailed <em>\u00e2\u20ac\u0153list of things I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d rather  \t\tdo than watch another second of this film\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/em>:<\/p>\n<p>1)\tShave the back hair of elderly folk<br \/>\n2)\tStaple my face to my ass<br \/>\n3)\tListen to Lindsay Lohan talk<br \/>\n4)\tDip my scrotum in lava<br \/>\n5)\tEat a years supply of my own feces, with no breaks<\/p>\n<p>Was going to write, <em>&#8220;Watch Norbit five times&#8221;<\/em>, but realized even I have limits&#8230;<\/p>\n<div id=\"bolge-3197919395\" class=\"bolge-after-content bolge-entity-placement\"><ins class=\"adbladeads\" data-cid=\"44284-1271501652\" data-host=\"web.adblade.com\" data-tag-type=\"4\" data-protocol=\"https\" style=\"display:none\"><\/div><br style=\"clear: both; display: block; float: none;\"\/>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Take one helium balloon, three squirrel-like rodents, $3.99 in the bargain bin, and what do you get? (Theodore\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s packing a glock) Alvin and the Chipmunks the movie! You know if you have kids, or a younger niece\/nephew, or friends who have kids, chances are you&#8217;ve had to watch this by default, and probably like me, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-97","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news-comedy-satire"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/97","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=97"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/97\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=97"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=97"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=97"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}