{"id":936,"date":"2009-03-06T11:24:48","date_gmt":"2009-03-06T17:24:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/?p=936"},"modified":"2009-03-06T12:17:02","modified_gmt":"2009-03-06T18:17:02","slug":"things-that-dont-shock-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/2009\/03\/06\/things-that-dont-shock-you\/","title":{"rendered":"Things That Don’t Shock You…"},"content":{"rendered":"

– Baseball players do steroids
\n– Some guy lies about his penis size
\n– Amy Whinehouse gets arrested…<\/p>\n

\"amy-whinehouse-whore.jpg\"(Her make-up is set on “whore”<\/em>)<\/p>\n

She punched someone, in the eye, at a charity function…<\/p>\n

Why? Because a fan asked to take a photo of her…<\/p>\n

When is she due in court? On St. Patrick’s Day! Here’s a suggestion Amy, the line forms behind us Irish people. See, we drink, and fight much better than you, and that’s just at family functions. You’re amateur hour honey…<\/p>\n

She might not get processed until May…<\/p>\n

\"amy_winehouse_spits_2.jpg\"(She’s a spitter)<\/p>\n

She wouldn’t last two seconds in a scrap with an Irish lasse. First off, they’re not wearing a tiny cocktail dress and high heels. They’re wearing sweat pants, drunker than you, and fight dirtier than a dish rag on a Denny’s kitchen floor. They’d split your bony ass in half like a lumberjacks axe does wood…<\/p>\n

Stop the “badass” routine. You’re a skinny drug addict singer with limited vocal range and no fighting skills. Next time you’re going to pick on the wrong person, and you won’t be going to “rehab”, you’ll be going to a plastic surgeon…<\/p>\n

World In Crisis, Bring In Brad Pitt<\/strong><\/p>\n

You wouldn’t know that economy is tanking badly, or that we’re in serious trouble in a collapsing housing market because luckily Brad Pitt was in Washington D.C!<\/p>\n

*Insert 50’s style girls screaming here*<\/p>\n

\"brad-pitt-and-nancy.jpg\"(Nancy shows him her “Oh” face)<\/p>\n

I read this and almost puked, “From the moment he stepped into the Capitol on Thursday, sunglassed and goateed, Pitt’s star power transformed congressional business-as-usual in a way any lawmaker or new president might envy.”<\/p>\n

Star power? Really? We just LOST 651,000<\/a> jobs in February…<\/p>\n

Who’s going to go see your movies now dickhole?<\/p>\n

We’re all glad you’re a humanitarian Brad. Yes, you are<\/em> a good person. It was very nice that you were there on behalf of of your “Make It Right” foundation, but you’re also not the norm right now in America…<\/p>\n

\"400http-dyimgcom-a-p-ap-20090305-capt64f3e2976825407cb21b18ad4c84f59fcongress__pitt_dcsw120.jpg\"(Pocket pool. Bonus boner!)<\/p>\n

A photo op during these times “feels” off. It looks “odd”. Since you’re there on behalf of a great cause, I wish you could be more like Miami banker Leonard Abess Jr. and less like the movie star…<\/p>\n

During the photo shoot, Nancy Pelosi reached into Pitts front pocket and started routing around. Mr. Pitt said, “Excuse me, what are you doing?”. Nancy said, “Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry! I was looking for my car keys in my front pocket and accidentally hit yours since we were standing so close”. Brad commented, “Your skirt doesn’t have pockets”. Nancy smiled and said, “I know, but can I look again<\/em>?”<\/p>\n

Have a day!!!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

– Baseball players do steroids – Some guy lies about his penis size – Amy Whinehouse gets arrested… (Her make-up is set on “whore”) She punched someone, in the eye, at a charity function… Why? Because a fan asked to take a photo of her… When is she due in court? On St. Patrick’s Day! […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/936"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=936"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/936\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=936"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=936"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=936"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}