{"id":846,"date":"2009-02-13T11:15:45","date_gmt":"2009-02-13T17:15:45","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/?p=846"},"modified":"2009-02-13T11:18:01","modified_gmt":"2009-02-13T17:18:01","slug":"scratch-my-back","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/2009\/02\/13\/scratch-my-back\/","title":{"rendered":"Scratch My Back?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Lee Redmond was in the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest fingernails&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/lady-with-long-nails.jpg\" alt=\"lady-with-long-nails.jpg\" height=\"366\" width=\"248\" \/>(I thought they were ropes)<\/p>\n<p>Note I said <em>was<\/em>&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>She&#8217;d still hold the record today if it wasn&#8217;t for a terrible car crash yesterday where she was ejected from her SUV and broke them all off&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>The good news, she&#8217;s not dead. The bad, she has to find a new &#8220;freak factor&#8221; for people to judge her on. Luckily we have some exciting suggestions:<\/p>\n<p>-Eat 5 Whole Cows In 24 Hours<br \/>\n-Correctly Translate Joaquin Phoenix Mumbles<br \/>\n-Play The <em>Star Spangled Banner<\/em> On The Banjo With Your Vagina<br \/>\n-Live In A 255oz Econo Peanut Butter Container From <em>Costco<\/em> For 6 Months<br \/>\n-Build A Functional Rocketship Out Of Human Feces<\/p>\n<p><strong>Insaneo Bit Or Super Stoned?<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Joaquin(pronounced Ja-waken) Phoenix was on Letterman two nights ago&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=zVg-c9P2CKc&amp;feature=haxa_popt00us01\">Clip<\/a><\/p>\n<p>I&#8217;m going with B. Higher than Harold, Kumar, AND Michael Phelps put together&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/joauquin-on-letterman.jpg\" alt=\"joauquin-on-letterman.jpg\" height=\"175\" width=\"247\" \/>(Shows how many tabs of acid he took)<\/p>\n<p>Like I said before, this <em>feels<\/em> part surreal twisted bit, part dude lost <em>total<\/em> control of the bit. It might be a bit for Casey Affleck and camera crew, but from Leo Tolstoy&#8217;s end it&#8217;s not&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/leo-tolstoy.jpg\" alt=\"leo-tolstoy.jpg\" height=\"301\" width=\"252\" \/>(Just add sunglasses)<\/p>\n<p>He&#8217;s going for broke. If I&#8217;m actually mega fucked up on heroin\/weed so badly that I can&#8217;t form a sane sentence, and piss off super pro interviewer Dave Letterman, then I&#8217;m no longer just &#8220;doing&#8221; a bit&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>I <em>am<\/em> the bit. It&#8217;s now real life&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>If I say as a bit, &#8220;Jeff, I&#8217;m sleeping with your wife&#8221; to shock Jeff, I can&#8217;t <em>actually<\/em> be sleeping with his wife. It kind of ruins the entire premise when what I&#8217;m supposed to be joking about is actually <em>true<\/em>&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Besides, I&#8217;m pretty sure he has several families living in his beard. To help keep up with the really unstable theme, Nadya Suleman and her Octuplets are scheduled for a mid-March move in date&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Games Seen<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/02\/hilarious128.jpg\" alt=\"hilarious128.jpg\" height=\"211\" width=\"254\" \/>(Scattergories <em>Senate Edition<\/em> is also good)<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s not very challenging playing with agnostics or atheists&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Have a day!<\/p>\n<div id=\"bolge-4215521538\" class=\"bolge-after-content bolge-entity-placement\"><ins class=\"adbladeads\" data-cid=\"44284-1271501652\" data-host=\"web.adblade.com\" data-tag-type=\"4\" data-protocol=\"https\" style=\"display:none\"><\/div><br style=\"clear: both; display: block; float: none;\"\/>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Lee Redmond was in the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest fingernails&#8230; (I thought they were ropes) Note I said was&#8230; She&#8217;d still hold the record today if it wasn&#8217;t for a terrible car crash yesterday where she was ejected from her SUV and broke them all off&#8230; The good news, she&#8217;s not [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-846","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news-comedy-satire"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/846","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=846"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/846\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=846"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=846"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=846"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}