{"id":705,"date":"2009-01-14T11:03:29","date_gmt":"2009-01-14T17:03:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/?p=705"},"modified":"2009-01-14T11:03:29","modified_gmt":"2009-01-14T17:03:29","slug":"wedding-party-crushed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/2009\/01\/14\/wedding-party-crushed\/","title":{"rendered":"Wedding Party Crushed&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>A giant shoe of a 53ft women crushed a group of grooms men at a local wedding&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/01\/giant-foot-crushes-wedding-party.jpg\" alt=\"giant-foot-crushes-wedding-party.jpg\" height=\"306\" width=\"282\" \/>(She could&#8217;ve worn cleats)<\/p>\n<p>The foot belonged to Janet Shrug of Jetson Park, Maryland who decided to get a spray tan before the wedding of good friend Jenny Flaggle. When in the booth, a freak wiring accident occurred and she was blasted with a high energy electrical field making her grow 50ft tall&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Having already RSVP&#8217;d, and finally finding a dress in her size, Janet decided to show up anyway. Upon arrival, she noticed some grooms men with whom she&#8217;d had previous bad relationships with all drinking and talking before the wedding. Having a rather large size advantage now, she decided to exact her revenge on them&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>People overheard her yelling,&#8221;I&#8217;m the <em>only<\/em> one for you, huh?&#8221;, followed by &#8220;So I&#8217;m a beautiful butterfly am I?&#8221; all to the sounds of bone and sinew being crushed under foot&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s like the old saying <em>&#8220;Never lie to women in order to fuck them, because they might become 50ft after a freak wiring accident and crush you with their foot at a wedding&#8221;<\/em>&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Marcus Schrenker&#8217;s Pants Are On Fire<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>He faked his death, after his wife filed for divorce, and his companies were targeted by investigators after he lost a half-million dollars in a court case&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/01\/marcus_schrenker.jpg\" alt=\"marcus_schrenker.jpg\" height=\"328\" width=\"287\" \/>(Cast Luke Wilson for the TV movie)<\/p>\n<p>Things are bad right? What should you do? How about fake your own death by ejecting from a plane left to crash in order to escape a divorce, angry investors, and accusations of defrauding clients as a financial adviser? No, you wouldn&#8217;t have gone that route?<\/p>\n<p>Congratulations, you&#8217;re smarter than a filthy toilet at Taco Bell&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>The best part, like his lying, failed business, he can&#8217;t even kill himself correctly. He slashed his own wrists to die, but emergency personal saved him&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Police have him custody, but are worried how an impressionable sweet young boy made of wood will last in the holding cell without Gepetto&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/01\/pinocchio.jpg\" alt=\"pinocchio.jpg\" height=\"295\" width=\"295\" \/>(Nice coat rack)<\/p>\n<p>They should make urinal pucks of <em>these<\/em> people&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Lord Vader&#8217;s Therapist Speaks<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/01\/darth-vader-thoughts.jpg\" alt=\"darth-vader-thoughts.jpg\" height=\"384\" width=\"298\" \/>(Aggression = small light saber)<\/p>\n<p>Have a day!<\/p>\n<div id=\"bolge-845780589\" class=\"bolge-after-content bolge-entity-placement\"><ins class=\"adbladeads\" data-cid=\"44284-1271501652\" data-host=\"web.adblade.com\" data-tag-type=\"4\" data-protocol=\"https\" style=\"display:none\"><\/div><br style=\"clear: both; display: block; float: none;\"\/>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A giant shoe of a 53ft women crushed a group of grooms men at a local wedding&#8230; (She could&#8217;ve worn cleats) The foot belonged to Janet Shrug of Jetson Park, Maryland who decided to get a spray tan before the wedding of good friend Jenny Flaggle. When in the booth, a freak wiring accident occurred [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-705","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news-comedy-satire"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/705","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=705"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/705\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=705"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=705"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=705"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}