{"id":2070,"date":"2009-10-16T10:49:19","date_gmt":"2009-10-16T16:49:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/?p=2070"},"modified":"2009-10-16T10:49:19","modified_gmt":"2009-10-16T16:49:19","slug":"balloon-boy-has-super-douche-dad","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/2009\/10\/16\/balloon-boy-has-super-douche-dad\/","title":{"rendered":"Balloon Boy Has Super Douche Dad!"},"content":{"rendered":"

You’ve all heard of the 6-year-old boy who was thought to be in a helium balloon<\/span> that floated away yesterday. It was found, without him inside, and they showed footage of a box falling. People assumed the boy either fell, or jumped out.<\/p>\n

They scoured the entire area path of the balloon…<\/p>\n

\"rescue-working-balloon.jpg\"(A giants “used” condom? Ewwww)<\/p>\n

Only to find out…the kid was hiding in the garage rafters then entire fucking time…<\/p>\n

The confusion over whether the boy was in the balloon arose as the family tinkered with the craft and his father scolded him for getting inside a compartment. Falcon’s brother said he saw him inside the compartment which is why they mistakenly thought he was aboard the balloon when it launched.<\/p>\n

\"falcon-in-hug.jpg\"(“Thank god we found you…at home”)<\/p>\n

Turns out, The boys’ parents \u00e2\u20ac\u201d Richard Heene and his wife, Mayumi \u00e2\u20ac\u201d are storm chasers<\/span> who appeared twice in the ABC reality show “Wife Swap,” most recently in March. Ah ha, I see. The dumbass plot thickens…<\/p>\n

During a live interview with CNN, Falcon heard his family calling his name but didn’t come out of the attic because his father “had said that we did this for a show”<\/p>\n

\"cat-shock.jpg\"(Come ON!)<\/p>\n

Nice work Reality TV cockslaps. These monsters are lower than the ground…<\/p>\n

In other news, “Balloon Boy” Falcon is all set to release a new inspirational book called “All The Places You Will Never Go”…where the balloon is popped on page one…<\/p>\n

Fuckin’ Stinky Chinese Drywall…<\/strong><\/p>\n

They have Chinese New Year, Fortune cookies, and herbs…but drywall?<\/p>\n

When’s the last time China gave us anything good aside from food?<\/p>\n

\"kittens-sigage.jpg\"(Mo gu guy cat is good)<\/p>\n

And we all know it wasn’t even food. It was “cat” or “dog”…<\/p>\n

Why do you think they have animal shelters right near the restaurants?<\/p>\n

Turns out, they sent us 500 million pounds of Chinese gypsum board<\/span> drywall…<\/p>\n

\"chinese-drywall-crap.jpg\"(Looks like a cocktail cracker)<\/p>\n

Which was totally defective shit. Literally! The materials have been found by state and federal agencies to emit “volatile sulfur compounds,” and contain traces of strontium sulfide, which can produce a rotten-egg odor, along with organic compounds not found in American-made drywall. Homeowners complain the fumes are corroding copper pipes, destroying TVs and air conditioners, and blackening jewelry and silverware. Some believe the wallboard is also making them ill.<\/p>\n

\"sick.jpg\"(Get a bucket kid or you’ll to clean it up)<\/p>\n

Now when people visit you and say, “It smells like my husbands farts in here”…<\/p>\n

You can say, “It does. Just think, I paid $409,000 for Chinese fart walls!”…<\/p>\n

And we had such high hopes for the same douchebags giving us lead based toys…<\/p>\n

Have a day!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You’ve all heard of the 6-year-old boy who was thought to be in a helium balloon that floated away yesterday. It was found, without him inside, and they showed footage of a box falling. People assumed the boy either fell, or jumped out. They scoured the entire area path of the balloon… (A giants “used” […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2070"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2070"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2070\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2070"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2070"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2070"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}