{"id":1950,"date":"2009-09-22T11:54:40","date_gmt":"2009-09-22T17:54:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/?p=1950"},"modified":"2009-09-22T11:54:40","modified_gmt":"2009-09-22T17:54:40","slug":"when-swine-flu","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/2009\/09\/22\/when-swine-flu\/","title":{"rendered":"When Swine Flu&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/09\/kid-swine-flu.jpg\" alt=\"kid-swine-flu.jpg\" height=\"197\" width=\"271\" \/>(Alright kid, gimme some candy quick!)<\/p>\n<p>Suddenly becomes &#8220;Wine Flu&#8221;&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>In an effort to stop the Swine Flu epidemic from spreading Amanda Gallagher from Mahattan decided to stay home from work today citing &#8220;Wine Flu&#8221;&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/09\/wine-drunk.jpg\" alt=\"wine-drunk.jpg\" height=\"358\" width=\"269\" \/>(Weeeeeeeeeeeeee, bottle chug!)<\/p>\n<p>She and her friends went through 3 bottles of Shiraz last night talking their friend Mindy down after a 5 year break up where dude stiffed her on three months rent&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/09\/ralph-machio.jpg\" alt=\"ralph-machio.jpg\" height=\"183\" width=\"270\" \/>(Her boyfriend was Ralph Macchio)<\/p>\n<p>So she called in with Wine Flu. It sounds close to Swine Flu since you&#8217;re only missing the &#8220;S&#8221;. They&#8217;ll ask, &#8220;Did you say Swine Flu?&#8221;. Mumble something and hangup&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Bam, you got the day off!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Letterman And The President<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>It sounds like a kids fantasy book about Letterman, the leader of the free world, and a talking unicorn named Pepe who can shit solid gold&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/09\/unicorn.jpg\" alt=\"unicorn.jpg\" height=\"204\" width=\"271\" \/>(Pepe&#8217;s so majestic, please shit!)<\/p>\n<p>If Pepe were real, the recession would be over&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/09\/letterman-obama-good.jpg\" alt=\"letterman-obama-good.jpg\" height=\"166\" width=\"271\" \/>(Did someone spit in your mug?)<\/p>\n<p>Obama had a nice zinger for the question of whether some of the vitriolic reaction to his health care plan is driven at least partly by racism.<\/p>\n<p>&#8220;First of all, I think it&#8217;s important to realize that I was actually black before the election,&#8221; Obama said to huge laughs from both Letterman and the audience.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/09\/letterman-obama-5-footlong.jpg\" alt=\"letterman-obama-5-footlong.jpg\" height=\"175\" width=\"272\" \/>(His $5 Footlong policy)<\/p>\n<p>Sadly, now racists will be all like, &#8220;That&#8217;s right, he was black before the election, how do you suppose he up an slipped that past us Zeke?&#8221;. Zeke will then say, &#8220;It&#8217;s the TV&#8217;s fault! They made him look all white and nice to me. Stupid lying TV!&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>Have a day!<\/p>\n<div id=\"bolge-1644722455\" class=\"bolge-after-content bolge-entity-placement\"><ins class=\"adbladeads\" data-cid=\"44284-1271501652\" data-host=\"web.adblade.com\" data-tag-type=\"4\" data-protocol=\"https\" style=\"display:none\"><\/div><br style=\"clear: both; display: block; float: none;\"\/>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>(Alright kid, gimme some candy quick!) Suddenly becomes &#8220;Wine Flu&#8221;&#8230; In an effort to stop the Swine Flu epidemic from spreading Amanda Gallagher from Mahattan decided to stay home from work today citing &#8220;Wine Flu&#8221;&#8230; (Weeeeeeeeeeeeee, bottle chug!) She and her friends went through 3 bottles of Shiraz last night talking their friend Mindy down [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1950","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news-comedy-satire"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1950","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1950"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1950\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1950"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1950"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1950"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}