{"id":1558,"date":"2009-07-06T10:49:53","date_gmt":"2009-07-06T16:49:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/?p=1558"},"modified":"2009-07-06T10:54:39","modified_gmt":"2009-07-06T16:54:39","slug":"duck-leaves-palin-resignation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/2009\/07\/06\/duck-leaves-palin-resignation\/","title":{"rendered":"Duck Leaves Palin Resignation…"},"content":{"rendered":"

A Mallard duck named Jason Comwell III was on lake Lucille in Anchorage Alaska during Palin’s resignation press conference listening to a little before flying away…<\/p>\n

\"mallard.jpg\"(Swimming makes me tired)<\/p>\n

Some hunters noticed the full sky and came out. Luckily we caught up with him after he landed on the ground deciding it’s the safer place to get his take on the situation…<\/p>\n

“Look, I don’t give two shits what Caribou Barbie says. I’m a single parent, with seven kids, who chain smokes like a fiend. How are you gonna clean my lakes up?<\/p>\n

\"chain-smoking-duck.jpg\"(How<\/em> do I put on the patch?)<\/p>\n

I don’t give a rats ass what that lady thinks. I’m worried about our next meal. She said it wasn’t politics as usual, then why resign DURING her term? Fucking quitter. Hey Sarah, I can see the end of your political career from my house!”<\/p>\n

Jason flaps his wings, quack, shits, then flies away. True words Jason, true words…<\/p>\n

Ironic?<\/strong><\/p>\n

The same day Palin resigned, so did Pete Longtooth from Fanny Fart Face Toys Inc<\/em>…<\/p>\n

\"toy-factory.jpg\"(Happy times!)<\/p>\n

Ironically they had similar speeches. After Pete called for a company meeting outside that included his boss, we luckily got a transcript of the events. Here you go…<\/p>\n

(Inaudible whispers)<\/em><\/p>\n

(To a person off stage) “We don’t need any mics?<\/em><\/p>\n

Hi, I’m so glad you guys are all here. *adjusts mic* Ok, good! Appreciate you all being here and I just want to say hi to everyone at Fanny Fart Face Toys Inc. I appreciate speaking directly to you. An I thank you all for coming here on the shores of Lake Plastic Barf, a source of inspiration for my family & for me. Ah, I promised four years ago when I took over “pocket fishing games” that I would be showing my independence & there would be no more conventional games as usual, but some people in the “media” have it in for me. Remember with the new Pocket line called “Catch A Fu#kin’ Dolphin!-Illegally Banned Fish Part I” which came with different unlockable recipes if you actually did catch one in real life along with how to cook it & eat it? Well some nature jerks sorta “freaked out”, & we had to shelf that game. Being “right” is better than being “popular”. *Loud duck sounds* Remember that one time a kid was electrocuted by our faulty game? Well, get this, you remember him, blind kid or whatever, crying with his burnt hands, & I guess lost his hearing as well or something from the incident, well I had to answer reporters questions, every one of them. They had to be, they were stupid. We’re, like totally dealing with this stuff, instead of making better fishing toy’s. I only work for people who think exactly like I do. If you don’t, I don’t waste my time with you because that wasting time. People who just want me to “sit down & shut up” is the quitters ways out. That’s not me! That’s exactly why I’m quitting, & won’t finish my contract. For freedom, and America so pocket fishing games have their best moments ahead. Let me go back quickly to a comfortable analogy for me, and that’s sports. Cockfighting! And I use it because you are naive if you don’t see a Rooster on steroids with illegally long leg razors from the national level tying to gauge my face right now. A good corner trains their cock to be ready, go in & out, even when it’s hard, stiff competition, to penetrate, then fuck things up. Oh yeah, then you slash the throat of the other chicken or whatever. It hurts to make this choice, but I’m doing what’s best for Fanny Fart Face Toys Inc. And I’ve given my reasons now, very candidly, & truthfully. You have my heart, that’s why I’m quitting. Now I’m gonna turn things over to VP in charge of Pocket Games Jeff Wanks…<\/em><\/p>\n

God bless Fanny Fart Face Toys Inc!”<\/em><\/p>\n

*Smattering of clapping, audience very confused. One employee speaks*<\/em><\/p>\n

Employee: “No you didn’t. That rambling mess made no sense what-so-ever. I’m actually dumber for having listened…”<\/em><\/p>\n

Have a day!<\/p>\n

<\/div>
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A Mallard duck named Jason Comwell III was on lake Lucille in Anchorage Alaska during Palin’s resignation press conference listening to a little before flying away… (Swimming makes me tired) Some hunters noticed the full sky and came out. Luckily we caught up with him after he landed on the ground deciding it’s the safer […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1558","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news-comedy-satire"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1558","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1558"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1558\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1558"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1558"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1558"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}