{"id":1448,"date":"2009-06-12T09:14:16","date_gmt":"2009-06-12T15:14:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/?p=1448"},"modified":"2009-06-12T09:14:16","modified_gmt":"2009-06-12T15:14:16","slug":"tv-tells-analog-to-shove-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/2009\/06\/12\/tv-tells-analog-to-shove-it\/","title":{"rendered":"TV Tells Analog To Shove It!"},"content":{"rendered":"

Today is the day. Analog’s packing it’s bags. It’s sheepishly turning it’s head to look back in sadness yet there you stand, arms folded, eyes closed, head turned…<\/p>\n

\"billy-analuge.jpg\"(Sorry Andy Analog, bu-bye)<\/p>\n

You could care less as one arm flips out like a switchblade to point “out”…<\/p>\n

You shout, “Screw you stupid old analog, you’re old news fart face”…<\/p>\n

\"punch-out.jpg\"(You’re Punch-Out in a PS3 world)<\/p>\n

That’s when digital steps in close, pulls you into it’s big strong arms, then turns flipping the single digit at analog with a final parting shot…<\/p>\n

The biggest problem now…old people are fucked…<\/p>\n

\"digital-tv-failure.jpg\"(Jigawatt connects to the farferdootle)<\/p>\n

They’re the ones who always had their kids “fix the thingy until it stop doing the thing with the stuff”. Well now, the kids are in a different state, so I’ll bet you’re kicking yourself for not knowing what the hell to do right about now…<\/p>\n

Meh, for the rest of us, it’s not so bad. Now you’ll never have one hand on a rabbit ear, & other on yourself while watching blurry porn…<\/p>\n

The picture will be sharper than a pile of knives…<\/p>\n

Jesus Punches Bush In Crawford…<\/strong><\/p>\n

Finally…<\/p>\n

\"wwjd.jpg\"<\/p>\n

As George was strolling his lush spread, a sweaty heavy breathing Jesus caught up with him. George said, “Jesus Christ…get the hell off my property you terrorist”…<\/p>\n

Jesus gathered himself, caught his breath, then said, “This is from my dad”…<\/p>\n

He punched him. Bush fell like pants at spring break. While on the ground, Jesus kicked him in the ribs saying, “This one is from the Holy Spirit”…<\/p>\n

Then he kicked again shouting, “this one is from me”…<\/p>\n

Next Time<\/strong><\/p>\n

Your friend says something really fucking embarrassing at a party or in public…<\/p>\n

Have a paper bag with you, take it out, unfold it, then place it on your head…<\/p>\n

\"embarrassed-bag-head.jpg\"(Rip out holes for added effect)<\/p>\n

Works everytime…<\/p>\n

Have a day!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Today is the day. Analog’s packing it’s bags. It’s sheepishly turning it’s head to look back in sadness yet there you stand, arms folded, eyes closed, head turned… (Sorry Andy Analog, bu-bye) You could care less as one arm flips out like a switchblade to point “out”… You shout, “Screw you stupid old analog, you’re […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1448"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1448"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1448\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1448"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1448"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1448"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}