{"id":1411,"date":"2009-06-05T10:21:51","date_gmt":"2009-06-05T16:21:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/?p=1411"},"modified":"2009-06-06T11:03:01","modified_gmt":"2009-06-06T17:03:01","slug":"where-in-the-world-is-flight-447","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/2009\/06\/05\/where-in-the-world-is-flight-447\/","title":{"rendered":"Where In The World Is Flight 447?"},"content":{"rendered":"

You’ve all heard about this by now, but an Air France plane just sort of disappeared “Lost style”, over the Atlantic ocean, last Sunday, with 228 people on board…<\/p>\n

\"funny-plane.jpg\"(Plane they wish they had)<\/p>\n

But get this, Brazilian officials have insisted for three days that their military pilots have spotted wreckage from the flight. When they actually went down to get it…<\/p>\n

It was…<\/p>\n

\"sea-garbage.jpg\"(Shit, that’s my fruit)<\/p>\n

Sea garbage!<\/p>\n

“There is a lot of garbage in the sea, and sometimes what might seem to be wreckage is actually trash,” Lawrence said Friday. So no confirmation for sure. Meteorologists said the Air France jet<\/span> entered an unusual storm with 100 mph (160 kph) updrafts that acted as a vacuum, sucking water up from the ocean.<\/p>\n

The updrafts created dangerous turbulence…<\/p>\n

\"sankes-on-a-plane.jpg\"(SOAP theory tossed around)<\/p>\n

Not good. The jetliner’s computer systems ultimately failed\/froze, and the plane likely broke apart in midair as it crashed into the Atlantic on Sunday night…<\/p>\n

If that happened, that’s simply horrific. I hope they’re found safe…<\/p>\n

\"style-points-airplane.jpg\"(Gainers are worth 7)<\/p>\n

However, these are all theories at this point, so since we’re just throwing out “theories”; I have a couple of my own that sound pretty reasonable. The Snakes On A Plane theory<\/em>. It seems possible. If it happened once, it could always happen again.<\/p>\n

I also have the Wonka Double Cross Theft<\/em> theory. Follow me on this one. A man named William Wonkette books a ticket with his lovely assistant Jean Twotoes, dressed as a man. They have first class seats. With them they’re carrying the secret ingredients to his everlasting gob stopper in a brief case. Miss Twotoes gets a tour of the cockpit as they fly over the Atlantic, she sabotages the controls, and the plane is forced to make an emergency landing. They send out a distress signal, and safely land. As they are exiting to their safety rafts, Miss Twotoes grabs the case, rushes to the door spotting a Somalia pirate skiff waiting at the end of the inflated slide as Wonka rushes behind. Here’s an artists rendering of the event…<\/p>\n

\"willy-wonkas-briefcase.jpg\"(Wingtips aren’t good to run in)<\/p>\n

Things do not look good, and this is hard hard stuff. A laugh can help ease tension…<\/p>\n

Wonder If MySpace Got The Memo Yet?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Seems obvious…<\/p>\n

\"funnyshittwo.jpg\"(No drive-thru?)<\/p>\n

Have a day!<\/p>\n

<\/div>
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You’ve all heard about this by now, but an Air France plane just sort of disappeared “Lost style”, over the Atlantic ocean, last Sunday, with 228 people on board… (Plane they wish they had) But get this, Brazilian officials have insisted for three days that their military pilots have spotted wreckage from the flight. When […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1411","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-news-comedy-satire"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1411","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1411"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1411\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1411"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1411"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bolgernow.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1411"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}