Archive for February, 2011

A V-Day Card For You…

February 14th, 2011

Don’t say I never give you stuff… (Zong!) Oh, I also got this back up one for you if the 1st one sucked… (It’s funny cause it’s true) Make this Hallmark holiday the hallmarkyest… The best Valentine’s gift some could have is… A free Democratic Egypt… Oh, and if you get a card like this […]

Mubarak’s New Job Search…

February 11th, 2011

Egypt’s Hosni Mubarak resigned as president! (I’m at the Radisson in Cleveland) He handed control to the military on Friday after 29 years in power But hopefully before he left he was able to “pad” his resume a tad (Now it’s a B&B in upstate NY) After all, just listing “Egypt Dictator-1982-Present” won’t really cut […]

Christopher Lee, Sex Machine

February 10th, 2011

Ladies of Craigslist, buckle up… For a divorced 39-year-old lobbyist flexing shirtless in front of a mirror: (Flexing, really?) Who’s really a 46 year-old married Republican congressmen from NY First I can’t believe someone lied on a Craigslist profile *Fake gasp* Next thing you’ll tell me is that Taco bell doesn’t serve real beef in […]

Check Out My Big…

February 9th, 2011

Budget. The word we’re looking for is budget… (Ah yes) What did you think I was going to type? Wheel? Hunchback? Gut? Penis? Obama invited Republicans to the White House to chat… About important issues from Budget, to new ideas for saving $ He’s asking them again, to work with him in a bipartisan manor […]

Dude, you can’t “cut deals” with mobs… They’re not really concerned about the “next election”; they don’t like you “now” (Ah, good ol mob justice) The rocks, torches, and molotov cocktails shoulda tipped you off Hint: they’re not really asking you, they’re “telling”… (Ah, the politically popular “Hitler”) Big difference. You see that behind you? […]

Ground Hog Buried Alive!

February 2nd, 2011

Under 23 inches of snow… (Freeeeeeeedom) Shadow schmadow; he’s probably dead by now When the ground hog gets buried alive before seeing it’s shadow Does that mean 5 more years of winter, or that he carjacks you? I forgot… (You work the gas & brakes) Don’t bother shoveling, cleaning, or removing snow Wait for the […]


February 1st, 2011

*Cue Monster Truck Ad echo effect* Thanks news, lets ratchet up peoples fears from 5 to 3,978 (Okaaaaaaay) That makes all the super worry-warts instantly calm down… It’s great to keep folks aware, informed, & up to speed that a blizzard’s coming (Ba-ba-bauuuuuuuuuur) But your titles are getting creepy panic weird; with stuff like: -Stabbing […]

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