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What’s worse than spam?

August 8th, 2008

I’ll tell you what…NOT getting spammed…

Spam(Fake ham comes from fake pigs)

Holy fucktrain batman! How far have I fallen on societies scale when total strangers who will send anything to anyone to get them to buy it stop trying with me? You know, the kind of people who’d try to sell female hygiene products to a five-year-old boy, and German horse porn to nuns…

Hell I’d settle for the good old “Viagra cheap medication” one just for old times sake. You might ask, “but John, I’ll bet you have a spam guard on, right?” I’ll say, “Yeah, but it never stopped those fuckers before. So what does that say about me? They’re clearly quiting on me“…

Where’s the love spammers? You used to care. You used to hustle to get me the best deal on glow in the dark children’s pop up books & imitation Rolex watches. Now I’m lucky if I even get porn spam. The sad part, it’s not even good porn spam. It’s that “weird” kind where people shove vegetables in their holes. Nobody wants that. Well, it’s being made, so somebody wants that, but I don’t want to ever meet them. Come to think of it, I already might have. When I meet really odd people that rub me the wrong way, I always think in the back of head, “Are they in the vegetable fucker demographic?”…

Here are some names/words that are fun to say when you add the word spam to them: Richie Cunningspam, Spammy Davis Davis Jr, Lindsey Buckingspam, Buckingspam Fountian, Buckingspam Palace, Spammy Hagar(You get the best of both spams), Spamdau Ballet, Spamdex, Spam Malone, Spam Spade, Spam I am, Spammy Sosa, & Lindsay Lospam. If you can think of any others, please post them…

How about we kiss and make up spam? I’ll turn of my blocker, if you promise to send me every amount of useless shit my heart could desire from discount Chia Pets, to low grade “get rich quick schemes from my own home”. Deal?

Hello? Hello? Wait, I forgot to turn my spam guard “off” first…

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