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Top 10 Resume Mistakes

March 29th, 2011

Sure we’ve all made mistakes. Except me…

*Strokes chin, looks skyward, and thinks for a moment*

Yep, not once. Nope, never…in the history of forever…

funny-tv-resume.jpg(The Devil Wears Prague? Nice)

10) You don’t actually ever give it to them-If your resume sucks, don’t give it.
Instead, adjust your clip-on tie and state, “My dogs dog friend ate it”
9) Do it in crayon-It adds that little touch of “I could fucking care less”
8 ) Under “experience” list Porn Websites- Good for two reasons
One-if you do like porn you see if they do to. Two-you warned em
7) Listing recent employment at places that were out of business over 10 years
6) Under “additional experience” have “Publicly Berating Children”
5) For your address or e-mail it is a federal correctional institution
4) Send your resume with food inside the envelope-With our mail system
this is a very bad idea. Besides, you don’t know if they like that kind of food
3) Under previous work have “Cook” in a “Meth Lab” and “enjoyed it greatly”
2) Have an * under a sub-heading of “Shit I Normally Steal From Work”
1) Use “fart scented” paper-While it seems funny, this idea “reeks”

resume.jpg

Think about it…

Ayn Rand Called…

Then hung up, cause I wasn’t selfish enough to speak with her

ayn-rand-sharing-book.jpg(Nice)

I Guess I actually listened to here for a moment

Instead of cutting her off telling stories of me and my massive penis…

Do long distance rates apply in hell?

A Charlie Sheen Impression Judge Tonight

Boy, my career is skyrocketing…right into a dumpster

piggery-charlie-sheen-contest.jpg

It’ll actually be a lot of fun, so buckle up your liver and get there!

It’s at the Piggery(On Ashland & Irving Part)

Have a day!

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