Archive for March, 2013

Things “Not” To Do Today

March 29th, 2013

Here’s a nice list of things “not to do today” heading into the weekend: (That’s one) -Fart in your hand, then demand a co-worker, “Smell this” -Forget to wear clothes to work…AGAIN -Show up to your baseball teams season opener, but they’re on the road -Watch a Bob Roarman car commercial & take it seriously […]

Turns out Ashley Judd will NOT run for the Kentucky senate (Old Muppets) seat held by Mitch McConnell right now. But why you ask?!? Oh, because she is a progressive, can possibly win the seat, & will hold other corporatist douchebag Dems accountable. So that’s no good for the establishment at all. Bill Clinton gave […]

FOX noise & the rabid lunatic gun owners have lost their shit In fairness, they never had much to lose. So when they lose it (here, your fingers are tiny) it is really more a “mega big bullshit mountain hate spewing” Jim Carrey did a Funnyordie piece skewering the hyper loony gun tooting crazies perfectly […]

The Supreme Court, AKA “The Black Robed Oracles” is taking on the issue of gay marriage. It’s pretty much over, and we all (Nice!) know it. Now, it’s just for the 30% of whack-a-loons to accept it. They will, as all things in our country have progressed. The same loud morons blurted, “Let’s stay with […]

Nerd boner at half mast! The new BioShock comes out tomorrow (cloud world!) And I’m going to be pounding the door at FYE minutes before it opens singin “Na na na na na na na na Bioshock!”. So either they let me in, or call the cops. I’m counting on #1. Yes, I’m a massive […]

OK, which wins? Would you rather…Let a little girl ride a python? (“It tickles my special spot”) Or, try the ever elusive sight of “a baby monkey who rides a boar”? (Competitive Boar Racing) I mean, don’t get me wrong, both are great options. But I’m gonna go with “Monkey Riding A Boar”. Because a […]

His time as a Chicago Bear is over. Done. Over. Kaput. Finito Brain Urlacher is now a free agent. He turned down the Bears (so long) 1 year offer of $2 million dollars. He knew they only had sooo much salary cap space, but it didn’t matter to him. He wanted $6 million(the whole amount […]

When will someone think of the damn rapists feelings?!?! No need to wait anymore. The 2 football teens Trent Mays, (I suck ass) 17, and Ma’lik Richmond, 16, from Ohio were sentenced to a minimum of 2 years in a juvenile correctional facility, & Richmond got 1 year. They both must now be registered as […]

CPAC, Comedy Gold!

March 19th, 2013

The Republican party has decided to go Tropic Thunder “full retard” (They went) But what did CPAC(Conservative Political Action Committee) have?! They had Rand, Palin, Rubio, & Rience. AKA…..the usual Clown Car But the highlight of the weekend was at the, “Trump The Race Card” event. 30 year old Scott Terry asked the panel, “would […]

Swedes Should Stick To Porn

March 5th, 2013

Have you ever been to where the earth stops spinnin’ on its axis, children all look like “hipsters”, & the former carpenter Jesus looks confused by the directions? Yes…you’re in IKEA (true) Putting these things together is a task, only to realize they’ll be coming apart or broken in 3-4 years when you move. It’s […]

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