Archive for November, 2011

Insane-O Cain-O, Down The Drain-O

November 30th, 2011

It’s very obvious to anyone watching. The fat lady has sung But Cain keeps plugging his ears pretending to hear nothing (Not listening) Let’s all forget he’s been banging another women for 13 years Let’s also forget his sexual harassment allegations by 4 women (I approve that assss) Let’s even forget his Libya gaffe. I […]

Citizen Came

November 29th, 2011

Shit sakes, here we go again with Cain’s *”Godfathers sausage” (Aw son of a bitch) *Also had Pervman Cain, The Sex-Files, or The Dumbass Crown Affair Herman Cain had a 13 year affair, with a women Ginger White (I had fun) Yes, I know, even her name sounds pretty damn porny And so what does […]

After watching all three LOTR’s this weekend I realized All those movies could’ve been an hour shorter each (Check out my stick!) Why? Because of all the fucking strained close ups of Frodo Then of Sam, then Frodo, then Gandolf, then Sam again then then Geez, the silly shit never ended. The battle scenes were […]

Because that’s all you get when going for the last item Ladies are more aggressive then NFL’ers going for a fumble (Circled by rabid dogs) And they don’t screw around. They give three kinds of looks: 1) The “What Do You Think You’re Doing Douche Bucket?!?!” 2) And there’s “I Owned Your Ass Before You […]

Turkey Day Means

November 24th, 2011

Choking your brothers and sisters without spilling a drop of gravy… (Party time) Screaming loud enough at each other but still keeping your voice… Saying the most awful things about each other, but still loving each other And finally, eating so much you now can’t go on the Harry Potter ride… Have a day!

Pardon My Turkey…

November 23rd, 2011

Every tool box politician has been doing this Since the dawn of time. But what if we did this (Oh shit) For every Turkey everywhere across the whole US?!?!? I’ll tell you what, Thanksgiving would totally suck balls Thanksgiving without Turkey is like porn w/o humping (I don’t get it) For serious. Meh, now just […]

Fractured, But Not Broken

November 22nd, 2011

Meh, it sounds like our Super Committee in a nutshell Shit, they’re more dysfunctional than the Kardashian’s (Yes, dysfunctional) And have $5.7 million more in plastic surgery by comparison The Chicago Bears lost starting quarter back Jay Cutler For most of the rest of the season with a fractured thumb (No more hitch-hiking) Never been […]

Welcome To Rock Bottom

November 21st, 2011

1st lady Michelle Obama was booed at a NASCAR event She was there to support military veterans & their families (Oh jeeeeeeeez) I mean “Boooooooooooooooooo” right? Am I right?!?!? This is racism, straight up. No if’s ands or butts (Der, guff, fart, dumb) Afterall, you can’t spell NAZISCAR without Nazi Name another 1st lady who […]

Underwear Inspector!

November 18th, 2011

You’d be shocked to find out how many times it actually works (Fake Underwear Inspector) I’d know, it worked like magic on me. How do you think I learned? The key is to have an official looking badge. It’s all the difference: (Actual Underwear Inspector) Now, go collect some underwear you sick creepy fucking degenerates […]

Mr. Potato Heads Baggage

November 17th, 2011

Look, it can seem like we comedians are piling on Republicans (Har de har) But it’s really more of a “hey you keep giving us this stuff” moment Think of how funny “John Kerry turdy Democrats” were in 03 Well you can double it, then triple it, then multiply by 5 Mr. Potato Head AKA […]

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