(”Listen to me yell things!”)

GOP candidate Phil Davidson is fired up. He just can’t tell you why

Because he has a masters degree in COMMuniCATION

Bill Murry, meet Matt Foley who lives in a “van down by the river”

(”Shut your cake hut”)

It’s Brick Tamland screaming “Loud noises”

For some seeing it, this might be your reaction

(WTF)

And they went on to loose that game 87-0

Have a day!

(Where are his USB ports?)

No more burping, changing the diaper, or listening to crying…

Unless that’s the shit you want, then there’s a “setting”

This litter virtual person from Apple will do or say anything you want…

Unlike those pesky “real life” little kids

Also coming soon are “ibaby”, “iin-laws”, and “ihandjob”

I Quran, I Quran So Far Away

One lone dipshit wants to burn the Quran in protest

(Only 3 hours?)

Pastor Terry Jones’ will commemorate Sept. 11 by burning copies of the Quran

Then on September 12th enroll into an Adult Literacy program for stupid spellers

The most common Muslim translation is Quran, not “Koran” Mr. “Mustache Rides”

(Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee)

You have the right to do it,

Just as people can burn bibles across the street…

While pulling a pretend sucking fucking gay train. Does that make it right? No

Have a day!

Mayor Richard J. Daley isn’t running for mayor of Chicago anymore…

(”Oh, you totally farted!”)

Wait, can Daley just “not run” for mayor anymore?

I thought he was forced to by “Chicago Political Machine Law”

(It “makes” you read it)

If he doesn’t it explodes and the entire city sinks into lake Michigan

It’s gonna be awful fucking creepy weird being welcomed to Chicago

By some Mayor Rahm Emanuel sign…

(”Who dropped their bribe?”)

Shit, think off all the stupid signs that need to be changed now…

Talk about job security?

Have a day!

Who last year questioned Barney Frank in a Townhall

(You’re a dinner table)

About the “Nazi policy” health care reform holding a Hitler stashed Obama photo

Frank said:

“Trying to have a conversation with you, would be like arguing with a dinner table”

Turns out, Rachel “Nutty Town” Brown is running against him this fall…

(Vote for me, or else you’re Hitler!)

Will she use a folding chair? Pro-wrestling & politics are the the same shit

Just without awesome intro music, pyrotechnics, & tights…

Grab your popcorn, cause this shit you can’t write…

Have a day!

Bolger

(Wait, how many boobs again?)

So go out & build a bridge, or make a rap song with your farts

Your call. It’s all about you today…

Unless you’re a dick, then it’s all about other people putting up with your silly shit

Have a day!

(I’m selling a banjo)

Now where will sexual deviants skulk around for 3-ways?

Rest stops, swingers clubs, & grade school playgrounds

Have a day!

(”I just got you pregnant again?”)

Meaning this show has officially ended with a wet fart…

It was never good, but they musta changed the title to Dancing With The Whores

Wait, I’m totally wrong. It ended when Michael Bolton was on

(Sitting on the dock of the gay)

But you get the point. She’s already a snobby little diva. In the end…

Big…fucking…deal

If I gave less a shit, I’d have colon blockage

I eagerly await Bristol’s new reality show “I’m A Stupid Spoiled Lil Bitch” on TLC

Have a day!

Just west of the site of the April blast that caused the massive oil spill

(Kablammo)

All 13 people aboard the rig have been accounted for, with one injury

Whew…

WTF, two rigs in three months?

Does James Bond have a new villain we don’t know about?

(Dr. Rigged Tooblow)

Boy, the gulf is like kid stuck at camp with no friends, diarrhea, & a snake bite

They’re having one rough summer

Have a day!

But was it me, or did he look “darker”?

(No 80’s “reflection picture”?)

Oh, it was just me. Maybe he got a Boehner Spray Tan to blacken up

He said, “It’s time to turn the page in Iraq”…

On the Rummy Cheney Bush tome of shame…

To the men and women in uniform, you rocked it!

Have a day!

(I didn’t do nuthing)

He’s pleading “Not guilty” to lying. Ever known a chronic liar who hasn’t?

His former trainer who told of Rogers steroid abuse had/has nothing to gain

NOTHING for coming forward to tell the truth

Just hell on earth for being a rat, loss of job, and every juicing ballplayer hates him…

The good news after his stint with the Yanks, asshole seems comfortable in stripes…

(Turn on BS drive instead)

Clemens went on to say:

“And by the way, I never even played major league baseball…

That was all in your mind”

Jeez, this guy’s good…

Have a day!