Holy balls, the queen is dead!
Mayor Richard J. Daley isn’t running for mayor of Chicago anymore…
(”Oh, you totally farted!”)
Wait, can Daley just “not run” for mayor anymore?
I thought he was forced to by “Chicago Political Machine Law”
(It “makes” you read it)
If he doesn’t it explodes and the entire city sinks into lake Michigan
It’s gonna be […]

This charming Larouche gal?
Who last year questioned Barney Frank in a Townhall
(You’re a dinner table)
About the “Nazi policy” health care reform holding a Hitler stashed Obama photo
Frank said:
“Trying to have a conversation with you, would be like arguing with a dinner table”
Turns out, Rachel “Nutty Town” Brown is running against him this fall…
(Vote for me, […]

On Labor Day…
(Wait, how many boobs again?)
So go out & build a bridge, or make a rap song with your farts
Your call. It’s all about you today…
Unless you’re a dick, then it’s all about other people putting up with your silly shit
Have a day!

Craigslist removed their Adult Section…
(I’m selling a banjo)
Now where will sexual deviants skulk around for 3-ways?
Rest stops, swingers clubs, & grade school playgrounds
Have a day!

Bristol “My mom was a VP candidate and I got knocked up otherwise no one would be paying any attention to me” Palin is now on Dancing With The Stars
(”I just got you pregnant again?”)
Meaning this show has officially ended with a wet fart…
It was never good, but they musta changed the title to Dancing […]

An offshore oil rig exploded in the Gulf of Mexico on Thursday
Just west of the site of the April blast that caused the massive oil spill
(Kablammo)
All 13 people aboard the rig have been accounted for, with one injury
Whew…
WTF, two rigs in three months?
Does James Bond have a new villain we don’t know about?
(Dr. Rigged Tooblow)
Boy, […]

The president was in prime time form…
But was it me, or did he look “darker”?
(No 80’s “reflection picture”?)
Oh, it was just me. Maybe he got a Boehner Spray Tan to blacken up
He said, “It’s time to turn the page in Iraq”…
On the Rummy Cheney Bush tome of shame…
To the men and women in uniform, you […]

Oh, he’s good…
(I didn’t do nuthing)
He’s pleading “Not guilty” to lying. Ever known a chronic liar who hasn’t?
His former trainer who told of Rogers steroid abuse had/has nothing to gain
NOTHING for coming forward to tell the truth
Just hell on earth for being a rat, loss of job, and every juicing ballplayer hates him…
The good news […]

How do we know?
(”Hold me, I’m melting”)
Cause Glenn Beck said “I have a big fat mouth sometimes and I say things”
How wise. He’s like a loud, goofy, insane, stupid version of Obi Wan Kenobi…
(Use the fork!)
When asked if he regrets calling Obama a racist he said, “I don’t want to retract…I want to amend that […]

The biggest difference between
A “guy running down the street with other people’s stuff in his arms” and a “thief”
Is when you get caught
(Zing, zwong, zwap)
You know its true…
Have a day!